7 CONTINENTS
I just became the first person ever to perform standup comedy on all 7 continents. 🇺🇸 🇫🇷 🇮🇳 🇦🇺 🇿🇦 🇦🇷 🇦🇶
I just became the first person ever to perform standup comedy on all 7 continents. 🇺🇸 🇫🇷 🇮🇳 🇦🇺 🇿🇦 🇦🇷 🇦🇶
An epic journey deserves an epic post, so I’ll tell you how I did it. It’s certainly a TL;DR, so save it for your lunch break. If nothing else, scroll through the pictures. Enjoy.
Travel the World and the 7 Cs.
Why
Autumn 1996. Two weeks after their first of three wins in the ’90s, New York Yankees Manager Joe Torre was shopping at B. Dalton bookstore in Tri-County Mall in Cincinnati, Ohio. I walked up to him and asked how his brother, Frank, was doing, as the news had reported he was in the hospital. He was so nice to me that I became a lifelong fan.
When Torre was asked how the hell the Yankees came back from an 0–2 deficit to defeat the Atlanta Braves in the World Series, he relayed some wisdom that has stayed with me since then: “Focus on what you can control.”
Focus on what you can control. In this game of entertainment, you have your own projects and your Industry projects. For the latter, it’s up to the booker at the Laugh Factory, the casting director hired by Toyota, and the judges at Last Comic Standing to give you an opportunity. For the former, you can take a page out of Harvey Dent’s playbook: You Make Your Own Luck.
If you can’t put a Dent in the Industry…
My former roommate, Comedian Hasan Minhaj, said on my talk show that “everything that you do that you’re cast in… it’s a Diet Pepsi version of yourself. It’s Low-Calorie Rajiv. It’s just kind of like a shadow of what you really are.”¹
Minute Marker 25:53.
Sure, I get up at the major clubs in LA, and I’ve earned a few TV credits. Yet wild Industry success eludes me. As I joked on this voyage…
It’s easier for me to get my standup on Antarctica than on Colbert.
When I said that onstage this month in LA, it got a big laugh. Maybe too big a laugh.
That’s why I went to Antarctica. And why I create and tour a solo show and perform it on Capitol Hill, drop videos like I AM INDIAN and I AM AMERICAN, bring to life a character like Standup Gandhi, write articles for Medium, record my own podcast, and answer questions on Quora.
Because if you’re a creator, you’re compelled to create. That’s it. And you begin by creating things for yourself. We’re all in-charge of our own happiness.²
This month, my friend, Melissa Roy, just finished her quest to visit all 193 countries.
1st South Asian Woman to Go to All Nations.
Several people on our Antarctic expedition had visited well over 100. I wonder how many people could even name 100 countries without looking at a map. Try it. I did it in the shower this week and wasted a lot of water doing so.
Of course, Antarctica (abbreviated as Ant), is not a country. My ratio of countries to continents was probably the lowest of anyone on the trip: 2.29. I’ve only been to 16 (and performed in 14): USA, Canada, England, France, Spain, Switzerland, India. Thailand, Kuwait, UAE, Oman, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Turks & Caicos, and Turkey.³
And yes, I applied to the Guinness Book of World Records but got rejected because they don’t do Firsts. Maybe I just need to resubmit as the Fastest?
Or Try Ripley’s.
But again, if you’re doing it for the record books, you’re still doing it for everybody else. Do it for yourself. Focus on what you can control.
We’re All in the Same Boat.
How
So, how did I do it? In early 2018, I emailed 87 of my closest friends about going to Ant. Half expressed interest. (43.5 people, if you include Bilbo Baggins.) My friend, Josh Yoo, remarked, “Wait till they have to put down deposits. That’s when you know.”
In the summer, I called my travel agent friend, Devika Srivastava, who made a truly valiant effort but told me that most people plan an Ant visit 12–18 months out and that, when it comes to the seventh continent, I was way behind the eight ball. Most people asked how cold it was gonna be. I spoke to the CEO of ATG Tours, Illinois resident Vinod Gupta, who told me that he’s gone to Ant four years in a row, and every time, it was colder in Chicago than in Antarctica. Sure, the South Pole in the winter at night is -83⁰ F. But the Ant peninsula in the summer? Lows in the 20s and highs in the 30s. Dude, I’m from Cincinnati. I can do this. Still, our cousins, Chiman Jija and Sunjay Lad, lent me their best ski gear.
Much Love from this Lad to the Lads.
What I didn’t think I’d be able to do was sail across the Drake Passage, which is known as the most treacherous body of water in the world.
Courtesy of Our Crewmember Neill Drake — Seriously, That’s His Name.
In the 600-mile gap between South America and Ant, three oceans collide.
G-Unit.
Which kinda reminds me of…
The Creation of Adam.
And because the Pacific, Atlantic, and Southern Oceans all come together, the waters can be so volatile that ships can pitch up to 40 feet.
Everybody Wave.
As such, I tried to find routes that allow you to fly to Ant, but when I told my friends that we’d go only to an island in the Antarctic circle and not the continent itself, the balance of people ejected and I was left with nobody. Even I didn’t really think it counted if you didn’t touch the physical continent.
That summer, in July 2018, my wife, Harsha, and I had flown around the world, with stops in Australia, South Africa, and Europe. I also traveled to Asia thrice, but my original goal of doing all seven continents in one year went out the proverbial window.
At the tail end of 2018, my friend, Dr. Yogen Kanthi, emailed me about AAPI. AAPI is a group of Indian doctors. It stands for American Association of Physicians of Indian Origin. I’ve never understood why it’s abbreviated as AAPI and not AAPIO. AAPI is just American Association of Physicians of Indian. Looks like it needs an ellipsis. AAPI…
Since I’d performed thrice (an overused word everyday in India and already in this post) for the AAPI National Convention and for various chapters in Florida and Georgia (FAPI and GAPI), I thought this might be a good fit. Besides, if I took ill during the Drake, I’d be surrounded by doctors.
I emailed the same 87 people but just about nobody shared my enthusiasm about traveling with that much Desi Drama. Just when I was about to give up, my angel investor arrived. My college roommate, Joe Cucci, said he’d be up for it. (Angels are white, right?) After all, he was the token Caucasian guy at a lot of those crazy freshman and sophomore year Indian parties at Case Western Reserve University (1994–1996).⁴
So, I found one friend to go. And like marriage, you only need one. And Joe Cucci sounds close enough to Joe Torre.
For most of the year, I was worried that they’d boot us off the tour when they found out Dr. Cucci and Dr. Satyal were merely Mr. Cucci and Mr. Satyal.
“Are there any Paraguayans here?”
So, I took a page out of my Mom’s playbook. If somebody didn’t bring a gift to a party, she’d call up and say, “There’s a gift here with no card. It isn’t yours, by chance?” What a brilliant move. So, I emailed Vinod: “Hey, I have some friends who may want to join but they’re not doctors. Is that OK?”
He said fine. Boom. And this is probably why I ended up doing five shows on the tour… I figured if I’m not a doctor, I’d better sing for my supper.
With the CEO of ATG Tours, Vinod Gupta. Photobombed by Tejas Shekar.
Where and When
On December 16, I flew to Atlanta. (My condolences on that 1996 World Series callout.)
In a wild coincidence, our family from Johannesburg, South Africa, was visiting Atlanta.
Meeting South Africans Before South America.
My good friends, Nirvi & Ankit, Who Put Me Up (and Put Up with Me) in ATL.
On December 17, I rode over to the world’s busiest airport and met Joe in the ATL Delta Lounge. After our 10-hour flight, we landed in Buenos Aires, whose airport has the best call letters anywhere… EZE.
So, Joe Cucci was my Eric Wright.
I’d never been to South America, and after a few hours, I realized I really screwed up by not being Latino. The delicious food, the beautiful people, the laid-back vibe — incredible. I was fortunate to get up in front of a comedy bar room as international as Sebastian Marx’s in Paris or The Comedy Store in Sydney. People from California, Colorado, Equador, Romania, Australia, China, Argentina… (of course).
En Route to Show from Hotel. Uber Driver & I Spoke Thru Google Translate the Whole Way. I Hadn’t Done That Since that “Massage” I Had in Thailand.
Getting That 6th Continent in 80⁰ Weather.
Thanks to Daniel Werner & Eliana La Casa & Franco Catalano for Making Me Look (and Sound) Good.
I found Gabs (Far Left, Like Argentina’s Old Government) on Meetup.Com… Much Love for Rolling Deep.
My Once-Rio-And-Now-Rome-Based Friend Roshni Thakker’s Friend, Flor. Big Ups for a Lit Night.
Afterwards, we hit some bars. Dinner at midnight.
And at 1 am, we arrived at a club. The bouncer said it doesn’t really get going till 2 AM. 2 AM?! I turned to say goodbye. “Nah, there’s a bar down the street. We’ll come back in an hour.” We returned at 2:15 AM. The line was 50 people deep. I’m usually the last one shutting down the dance floor, but around 5 AM, I said, “OK, this is enough. At this point, I’m dancing just so that I can stay vertical.” I headed home with the birds’ chirping and people were still filing into the club — and it was a Wednesday.
The next day, we got up (somehow) and flew from Buenos Aires to Ushuaia…
Landing En Route to Ushuaia, Over Sunny Land. Not to Be Confused with Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in My Hand.
The southernmost city on Earth.
It’s a Sign.
We did a day tour of Tierra del Fuego, where we saw a rainbow…
Pride Month.
He Delivers.
Alaska’s Only 17 Kilometers?
“Muchas gracias.” “Tierra del Fuego.”
My Career Has Really Gone South.
U Stands for Ushuaia. These Aren’t U-Boats. It’s Not WWI.
It’s the End of the World and All of Western Civilization.
You can walk Ushuaia in a few hours. Quaint town with sweet people.
We boarded our ship…
Are We Already… Board?
Recording & Posting Before No Cell Service for Days.
And we were off. It takes about 48 hours to sail across the Drake…
“I’m the King of the World.”
Love How He Works the Damn Pole.
We spent four days on the Ant peninsula.
Dork the Explorer.
Due to the lack of precipitation, Antarctica is the world’s largest desert.
That’s Really Some Perspective.
And I Use Kayak Just to Book Flights.
Totally Tabular. These Long, Flat Ones Are Called “Tabular Icebergs.”
We stayed far away. When we asked why, our crew reminded us 9/10 is below the water. When portions melt and fall off, the entire thing can flip, tossing the boat into the air. I hate to know how they know that.
Tip of the Iceberg.
Fresh Off the Boat.
And then 48 hours back to Ushuaia…
We went into Ushuaia for an hour just to throw back a few.
The same thing, but in motion.
This was our itinerary…
I’m Missing the 23rd in Case Anyone Has It. Need It, Need It, Got It, Need It, Got It, Got It.
We flew back to BA and did a night out…
Tango Show. Amazing Cultural Performance.
Then a day out…
From Antarctic to Anarchist.
And then boarded our flight on December 30…
We ran into our Illinois farmer couple friends at the EZE airport.
We landed at 5 AM on New Year’s Eve. Back to the Delta Lounge. I did an interview at 7 AM with Brian Orlando of 94.3 The Shark in New York, NY.
From Whales to Sharks.
Joe and I hugged it out.
Can you see the bags under our eyes? We didn’t check those.
He flew back to Cincinnati. I flew to Austin. My wife picked me up and took me home. We rallied and hit a couple of Texas bars. And then we climbed into bed at 11:30 PM and rang in 2020 by kissing each other goodnight. I think we fell asleep one minute into the new decade.
We’re a Bit Behind.
And here are my fellow passengers…
I walked around and tried to include as many as possible.
And we ride and we ride… #IggyPop
Thanks to George for a better video.
Taj, the son of Arvind & Kimberly, made this important and cute climate change video. How small is this world? Taj told me he and I met at an audition in LA. And we’re on for drinks next month. I mean with his parents. He’s 11.
Kasha, I hate to break it to you that I was before you, but your video is WAAAY better. Actually, it was likely neither of us. It was prolly some drunk who got up at the Faraday Bar years ago.
Let’s Take Some Time to Reflect…
B.O.A.T.S.: Based On A True Story.
Ant Marching.
Whatever Floats Your Boat.
Did you notice a couple of actors in those poses? This one from “Glow” on Netflix?
Some Smart Chap Thought to Make a Video of our Group Photos Attempts.
And some wildlife we saw…
The Albatross, Gliding Over the Sea, No Matter How Far.
A Bird, in Antarctica, No Matter How Colorful.
Two Wine Glasses, Which Can Cheer You Up No Matter How Far from Home.
White Dudes, Wearing Shorts No Matter Which Continent.
And This Lovely Species… Oh, That’s Just Our Stuff.
What
So, what did I say in my Antarctica comedy routines? And what material did I generate?
I did four sets: two on-board our ship (the Hondius)…
Part I: Crowd Work.
Part II: Ant Material.
And three on the actual continent.
Oh, and one more for good measure…
Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself.
For my fifth, I hosted a talent show. This is the stuff I did at various times. I also wrote a letter to Harsha, which I read onstage. Here’s the set and then the letter, this time with multimedia. (Not that anybody’s used the word “multimedia” since the ’90s.)
Set
Welcome and Merry Christmas, Y’all! Yes, I’m gonna use “Y’all.” We’re waaaaaaay down south.
Would you believe we’ve got three comedians on-board? In just a few minutes, I’ll bring them up. Didn’t want them coming up to a cold room, though I guess down here, that’s impossible.
The Three Stooges: Kalpita, Rajiv, Kasha.
It’s really great for so many of you to show up… this room is entirely packed. Then again, we’re the only source of entertainment tonight. It’s really between staring at a glacier and listening to us, so we won’t go getting too cocky or anything. We’ve been on this ship for days now and there are only 180 people on here. And yet, I keep seeing people I hadn’t seen before. How is that possible? Every time I turn around, I’m like, “OK, so who the heck is this dude now?” I know there’s no way people are just joining in the middle of our cruise. But my only theory is that people are parachuting onto the top deck while we’re all asleep. You know, after the sun sets at 1 AM.
A big shout-out to Oceanwide Expeditions and all of our amazing staff. We even have Gaurav, an Indian chef.
Christmas Dinner.
The cuisine has been truly international. Can’t believe we can get Indian food down here. He really puts the tikka in Antarctica.
I’m so glad you serve us a full breakfast. I stay at a lot of hotels and they serve a continental breakfast. I’ve always wondered on which continent they eat only this for breakfast. Fruit and yogurt? That seems more like an island breakfast. So, good on ya, for serving a hot breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Although maybe I shouldn’t have mixed American and Indian food. I’m feeling a bit… incontinent.
I’m getting used to the sides of the ship: port and starboard. As you face the front of the vessel, port is on the left and starboard is on the right. If you need help remembering which is which… Port and Left both have four letters. But a more fun way? Port is a kind of wine and the bar here is on the left. And starboard sounds like Starbucks, and the coffee is set up on the right.
I’ve never been on a ship this large. The closest would be two small cruises I took across the San Francisco Bay and from Cape Town to Robben Island in South Africa. Oh, and watching Titanic. Hey, Michael, that was a bit scary this morning when you played “My Heart Will Go On” over the loudspeaker to wake us up. I don’t think you’re supposed to do that. Or even say “Titanic” on-board a ship. Kinda like not saying “Macbeth” in a theater.
I tried to make this trek last year but all the ships were full. I could’ve flown but that route was only taking us to an island, not the continent itself. So, my friends dropped out, saying it didn’t count. It was close but not the real thing. Kinda like how dentists are technically doctors, but… boy, I’m gonna be in trouble for that one. My cousins who lent me what I’m wearing… both dentists.
The Chinstrap Penguin.
I’m so excited to see penguins, though… and in every photo, they look like they’re showing off. They seem kinda cocky. Then again, they have so many people coming down to see them from so far away. Anytime anyone traveled thousands of miles to see me, I kinda blew them off, too.
Apparently, puffins are closer and cuter. But we’d rather see these ones down at the South Pole; I mean, they’re the real deal. They’re like the Frank Sinatra and puffins are the Tony Bennett.
We Are Not Amused.
Our Lips Are Sealed.
My friend, Raman, came down here many years ago, but he’s now really concerned about the environment. He said maybe I shouldn’t do it now as I’m contributing to climate change. I think he’s saying that to lord his visit over me, but he’s right. Antarctica is melting. Its ice is drifting north. So, my friends around the world, if you can’t come to Ant, Ant may be coming to you.
Good night, everybody… see you at 7 AM!
Reppin’ My FAVORITE Baseball Team, The Cincinnati Reds. It’s not a MAGA Hat: Make Antarctica Great Again.
Letter
Dearest Harsha,
Happy Holidays! I feel like I’m on bottom of the world. I really miss you a lot and am sorry that we couldn’t spend Christmas together. But I am about to go through South America so let me know if you need anything from Amazon.
So, what’s Antarctica like? In Ant, some things are understandably different and some are exactly the same. Bluetooth still works. And why wouldn’t it? You don’t need wifi or cellular reception. I don’t know why, but it’s fascinating to me that is works anywhere on Earth (and maybe in space). It’s still the same. Just like how Indians are. It doesn’t matter if we’re in India or America or Ant. We still run late. We still want daal and rice, and if we don’t get it, we’ll complain about the food. We still snub each other and don’t say hi in the hallways. Seriously, if I were walking to the South Pole and there was nobody around for two thousand miles and an Indian woman walked by, I swear she’d keep walking and look straight ahead. There are 180 of us so we’re divided into four groups. Somebody wasn’t happy with her assignment so she switched groups, bragging that she had some pull. You hear that? She has pull. In Antarctica. Man, our people love our VIP treatment.
We still have the silent Uncles playing cards and the in-shape Aunties doing zumba. I was sitting with a few Aunties and they were asking about my career. I showed them a photo of me last month onstage with Anupam Kher. And then one of me last year with Deepika Padukone. The only thing one of them said, disapprovingly? “You’ve lost weight.”
Not Sure How She Could Tell. That’s Some Auntie Vision Right There.
That’s why I was so image-conscious coming here. I wanted to be sure I dressed fashionably at 66⁰ S latitude. Most days, I’ve been rocking some Patagonia gear. That’s a name I love: Patagonia. It’s got to be the most internationally ambiguous name in the world. Sounds like it could be from anywhere. It’s in South America, but it could just as easily be Patagonia, Australia, or Patagonia, a state in India. Or some island north of Scandinavia. Or anything, really. Yeah, we ate dinner at Patagonia last night and then went dancing and we all did the Patagonia. I bought my Patagonia patch at this drug store named Patagonia.
We make landings a couple of times a day. We hop into these boats called Zodiacs…
Oh, the Hardship.
And then climb over many rocks to get ourselves physically onto the continent or any surrounding islands. Our guide, Meike, said she’d never seen so many whales concentrated in one location. Evidently, the whales’ gestation period is a year. The parents stay with their kids to ensure they know how to take care of themselves. Somebody asked whether the whale families stick together. I guess it depends who they vote for.
Surf’s Up.
Meike turned off the Zodiac’s engine and just wanted us to listen to the awesome power of the whales’ blowholes. The incredible thing is that Indians were actually able to stay quiet for 60 seconds. Like, it’s easier for Shackleton the explorer to cross the ocean than it is for us to not talk.
The Whales Got That Close? That’s a Real Security… Breach.
How ’bout that Shackleton, though, huh? Regardless of the country, I am blown away by settlers. I love how we call them settlers. I think of somebody who settled as someone who gave up. You and I have been married for four years and I hope you don’t feel like you settled. But Shackleton and Edmund Hillary and all of the explorers ventured across previously-uncharted territory, facing down harsh weather, devastating famine, and wild animals — and they apparently settled. But they didn’t settle. The people back in Europe — warm, fed, and uneaten — who didn’t come along for the journey settled. So, when it comes to marriage, if you do feel like you settled, just remember you’re in good company.
I know you really wanted to come but you feared the Drake Passage. I appreciate all of the concern you had for me. How was I going to survive, given that I get carsick so easily? I can’t even read or text for more than 30 seconds without getting woozy. It’s especially bad in the backseat, so this was really just a convenient way for me always to sit shotgun. Harsha, you’re a pharmacist, so you said to get Scopolamine. Both you and Dr. Reed advised to wear it, and if it doesn’t work, remove it and start popping Dramamine pills. I haven’t yet taken Dramamine, but I was drawn to it since I’m an actor. It’s literally spelled Drama-Mine.
So, I applied the patch, following the instructions to find a non-hairy spot. I’m Indian, for Pete’s sake. Behind the ear it went.
I am feeling the side effects of Scopolamine: dry mouth, drowsiness, blurred vision, but thank God no nausea. I love how nausea is one of the symptoms. Seriously? So, I’m replacing seasickness with nausea? “Hey, you have an upset stomach? Here’s some Tums. May cause indigestion.” “Can’t get it up? Here’s some Viagra. May cause impotence.”
OK, so you’re not supposed to mix the patch with alcohol. But that’s more of a rough guideline than a hard and fast rule. I actually haven’t been drinking that much: Joe and I head to the bar after dinner for two drinks a night, which we pay for using this bar code on our name badges.
It has been a bit rocky, which is good. Because we hate to waste money. Had it been completely smooth, we probably would’ve tried to return these patches and get a refund. At least the upside of blurred vision is that you get to see two of everything for the price of one.
Btw, I shaved so people could feel they got two for the price of one…
The Real Change Is the Shirt.
But overall, despite the fact that the ship is rocking and rolling, I love the Drake Passage. It’s probably become my favorite Drake Passage, beating out, “You better find your lovin’. You better find your heart.”
Drake Gettin’ Turnt.
Joe’s a great travel companion. It’s been fun rooming with him again. He actually was looking forward to the boat ride, so he got me excited about it, too. He turned out to be right. I have to be careful as I write this, since I was so scared for so long and about 50 people have gotten sick, but if you experience no adverse effects, it’s actually better that the ship is pitching and rocking and rolling. Meike and Neill, two of the crewmembers, said they’ve been on when it pitched 40 feet… 75 mph-winds… a full-on hurricane. I asked if they were worried about surviving but they said there was never any question they’d live. Braver souls than I, tell you what.
We Are Shipshape.
It’s pitching — going up and down like 12 feet. And rocking, so back and forth. And it’s also rolling side-to-side. We tend to forget that’s where “rock ’n roll” comes from. It’s fun. And you actually rest better, and like Meg Ryan says in Joe Versus the Volcano, you have better dreams. It’s like being rocked to sleep. I feel like a baby in a swaddling blanket.
“To Be a Rock and Not to Roll.”
I know you always want to know what I’ve learned. I had no idea there would be this many lectures — like two to three a day. A lot of great info. Due to the Scopolamine, though, I’ve been napping more than usual. So, I feel like I’m back in college: paying for things with my campus pass, drinking with my roommate, and skipping class. I did learn from one lecture that there was a stowaway on Shackleton’s ship and Shackleton told him he can stay, but if they needed food, he’d be the first one eaten. Despite the fact that he had a cat. They won’t eat the cat, but they’ll eat the person. Jeez, how hated do you have to be that the rest of the crew will save your pet but eat you?
Our Crew. Nobody Got Eaten.
It’s a lot more regimented than I expected. I know neither of us has been on a cruise, but from what I hear, there’s a lot of downtime and there’s always food everywhere. One of the guides kept correcting me: “Rajiv, it’s not a cruise! It’s an expedition.” What’s the difference? Well, two big differences is that there is not a lot of downtime and there is not food always everywhere. There’s a schedule. Every morning around 7:15 am, Michael’s loud German voice comes on the loudspeaker. I feel like I’m living in 1984 or in The Handmaid’s Tale. But then Michael’s voice is just so cheerful and happy that you hop right out of bed.
Just Listen to the Audio.
There are daily briefings. And there are a lot of rules, which I actually like. You know I love good rules and hate bad rules, which is why I’m often breaking stupid, unnecessary ones. But the ones down here make a lot of sense: you’re not allowed to take anything from the continent, which is why I didn’t grab a rock (or a roll). And you’re not allowed to get within five meters (~15 feet) of the penguins unless they approach you. It’s kinda like Bumble. So, I don’t have a penguin selfie, but that’s because I’ve been a good boy.
Well, for good measure, here are some seals…
Guess They Are Pretty Cool.
Remember I told you about that time when I was in 6th grade and our science class visited COSI in Columbus? These boys pulled on the pendulum, messing up how it kept time, and I remember thinking they should go to jail. Not juvenile detention. Jail. We were 12 years old. But hey. Don’t mess with the planet, man.
There are some posted rules. My favorite is: “Keep one hand for yourself but at least one hand for the ship.” At least one hand? How many hands do they think we have? We aren’t Hindu Gods.
And don’t worry: I didn’t do the polar plunge, where you immerse yourself in freezing water for a minute. Some of our shipmates clowned Joe and me for not being adventurous. I love how you have to kayak and do the Fast and the Furious climb to the top of a mountain and polar plunge to be adventurous… just coming to Ant isn’t enough.
In the middle is our ship doctor running into 32⁰ water. Wow.
Maybe I would’ve done it if you could hop immediately into a hot shower. I was proven wrong, though: I thought for sure somebody would get pneumonia (even though that’s not how it works). Somehow, your body adapts to literally freezing cold water in seconds. And as soon as these crazy people toweled off, they said they didn’t even shiver. They just put their clothes back on and walked back onto the ship. A great lesson in how we should update our viewpoint in the face of new data. Something for us all to consider as we’re so divided in America and one side isn’t listening to any facts at all.
That actually dovetails with the only political joke I did during my sets: “Welcome to Antarctica, also known as the White Continent. Which is what President Trump is trying to do to North America.” Other than that, though, I avoided politics. Hardly anyone discussed it and it’s been incredibly nice not to follow the news for 10 days. It’s like an enema for the brain. But really, for a comedian, that’s the best part about doing comedy in Ant: you don’t have to look around before you tell racial jokes.
Harsha, thank you so much for your support as I went gallivanting to the bottom of Earth and back. You enabled me to achieve my “7 Continents” goal. Honestly, I was worried about whether we’d ever reach the continent. When it was looking bleak, we all had a discussion: would it count if I did an island inside the Antarctic Circle? I don’t know. Yes, I suppose? If you went to Manhattan, you went to America, but did you go to North America? Madagascar is off the coast of Africa and the people on it are considered African, right? What about Japan? It’s in Asia but it’s not on Asia. It degenerated into a semantic debate over prepositions. Still, though, I kinda feel if you’re gonna claim you went to all 7 continents, then you had to have set foot on all 7 physical continents.
The Record-Breaking Set.
Dueling Press Releases from My Amazing Cincinnati-Based Publicist Fred Anderson & LA-Based Publicist Kevin Couch.
Michael showed me the photo he has with Metallica. In my research, I knew that my favorite metal band had played Antarctica, but Michael told me it was only an island and and not the continent itself. “If it’s good enough for Metallica, then it’s good enough for you.”
“Enter Snowman.”
In the end, Flo, our fearless expedition (not cruise) leader, made it possible for us to reach the physical continent, so either way, I’m covered. It’s very difficult to navigate to the actual peninsula and no touring company can guarantee it. Even if the sea swells a couple of feet, it’s enough to capsize a Zodiac. And there are regulations… only 100 people can land in a certain area at the same time, so there’s a lot of coordination with other ships. It was pretty funny to watch the juxtaposition of a Punjabi and a Dutch person… I’m all frantic: “But we have to reach the actual continent, Flo!” In her somber European tone: “Yes, Rajiv… we shall, we shall.” And we did.
Flo, Our Expedition Leader. Kinda Nice for White Folks to Be the Sherpas for a Change.
I’m bitten by the travel bug but I have no current desire to go to the Arctic. I’m already crazy enough. I don’t need to be bipolar. #DramaMine
In all honesty, everybody was super nice and friendly. The Indians, the Europeans, the Americans… everyone. I feel I’ve made some friends for life, on a journey of a lifetime. I miss you and can’t wait to see you on Tuesday to ring in the new decade!
Love,
- Rajiv
PS — Oh, one more thing I learned? You can’t flick somebody off in mittens.
1. North America (Hamilton, Ohio, USA). 2. Europe (Paris, Île-de-France, France). 3. Asia (Mumbai, Maharashtra, India). 4. Australia (Brisbane, Queensland, Australia). 5. Africa (Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa). 6. South America (Buenos Aires, Argentina). 7. Antarctica (Antarctic Peninsula, Antarctica).
Thank You
Let’s give another thank you to Vinod Gupta of ATG Tours and the entire staff of Oceanwide.
Thanks to everyone who shared photos and videos. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a video must be worth a million.
Of course, I send much love to my parents, who have supported me every step of the way — signing people up for my newsletter, plugging my shows on their show, Bollywood Music & Masala on WAIF 88.3 in Cincinnati, and above all, accompanying me around the world… Mom & Dad as I did 28 gigs in 28 days across India in 2018 and Dad as he was my international manager not only in India but also in Paris, Istanbul, Muscat, Kuwait, and Dubai. And mad props to his brother Vimal’s family in Brisbane, who hosted us as I checked off Australia… Uncle Vim, Auntie Babs, Bri, Mel, Brie, and the entire extended family Down Under.
Where’d You Go, Burn a Debt?
And thank you so much to my illustrious wife for allowing me to go blow through a chunk of our funds to achieve my dream goal of 7 continents.
“‘Well, I’m Back,’ He Said.” — Last Line of The Lord of the Rings
Conclusion
On January 18th, I returned to LA from Chicago, where I continued my tour, The Man in The Middle. (Yes, the one I did on Capitol Hill.) When I left, it was 9⁰. And next week, I’m performing in the only other place that has more Polish people than Chicago. I’ll bet you can guess… yes, Poland. Antarctica to Poland in two months. From seeing one Pole to multiple Poles.
Good Thing I Shaved Before Reentering the USA. That Whole Iran Thing…
Rajiv Satyal is the first person ever to perform standup comedy on all 7 continents. He resides in Los Angeles.⁵
Endnotes
¹Even that show, What Do You Bring to the Table? was ahead of the curve. Back in 2018, I started playing a game with my guests. And now Comedian Ellen DeGeneres has her Game of Games and NBA All-Star Blake Griffin has his guests challenging him to a game.
²Or, as Larry David discovers in Curb Your Enthusiasm, “We’re all responsible for our own lives.”
Minute Marker 11:40.
³Continents: North America: August 1998: First time ever. Go Bananas Comedy Club in Cincinnati, OH. Many times across Canada (Toronto, Ottawa, Windsor, Vancouver). Europe: June 2008: Geneva, Switzerland. P&G Global Brand Building Awards — Eastern and Western Europe. March & July 2018: Sebastian Marx’s room in Paris, France. September 2014: Istanbul, Turkey. (February 2020: Warsaw, Poland. Lingaro Annual Meeting (17th country coming soon!). Asia: September 2008: Bangalore, India, and many times since. December 2015: Bangkok, Thailand. Wedding. Australia: July 2018: Brisbane, Australia. The Sit-down comedy Club and Sydney, Austalia. The Comedy Store. Africa: July 2018: Cape Town Comedy Club (Headliner). Durban (headliner) South America: December 2019: Buenos Aires, Argentina. BA Comedy Lab (Headliner.) Antarctica: December 2019: Twice on the Antarctic Peninsula (12/24 and 12/27) and on the Hondius, docked at an Antarctic island. Non-Continental: Kuwait City, Kuwait. Dubai, U.A.E. Muscat, Oman.
If It’s Not on Facebook, It Didn’t Happen.
⁴We technically were college neighbors. We lived next to each other in rooms 309 and 310 on the third floor of Raymond House on the north side of Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio. We were to room together junior year in a suite on the south side but I transferred to the University of Cincinnati. Joe and I roomed together for three years in the east Cincinnati suburb of Mt. Washington (2000–2003).
⁵Home to LAX, the world’s busiest origin and destination airport.