All Aboard!

To Subscribers Old + New

1. Greetings from Burbank, California! Truly hope this finds you well. Hope you don’t mind the ping.

Or the pong.

2. Today, I imported a bunch of you: people I consider friends… people who’ve helped me along the way… people who are just good people… people I want with me on this crazy journey… and people who don’t mind reading the word “people” myriad times in a paragraph. It does appear to be the one word people can use to describe people without offending people, as long as people don’t modify it with the second person pronoun or the plural of “that,” as in “you people” or “those people.”

It’s just that, after making a spreadsheet of all of my friends, I noticed a number of you people weren’t on this here Funny Indian Newsletter distribution list. And over the course of the last year of the pandemic, I’ve had so much fun forging a deeper connection with you. Please do not assume I was faking closeness with you only to add you to this list. Though one does also forge a signature. And nothing says friendship like being in somebody’s spreadsheet.

3. I am super sensitive to spam. My inbox feels the same way my computer screen does when people share their screen on Zoom and it goes full-screen. It’s so violating. “Hey, wait a second… stay in your window. I didn’t give you access to my whole desktop. What’s wrong with you?”

As such, I send out emails only on two occasions: my monthly newsletter and if I have a big announcement*. Fortunately, I’m not very talented, so the latter is kind of rare.

A. If you’ve already been receiving these Funny Indian Newsletters and want to continue, do nothing. Well, read it. But that’s it.

B. If you haven’t been and don’t want to receive ’em, click Unsubscribe. No hard feelings. Well, lots of hard feelings, but they won’t be directed at you since this is Substack and it’s anonymous, so you can totally pull an Irish Goodbye. Appropriate since St. Paddy’s Day is next week. Note it’s “St. Paddy’s.” Write “St. Patty’s” and the Irish will laugh at you.

C. If you have been receiving these newsletters and didn’t know I wouldn’t notice if you left but are now feeling like it’s a good time to scoot without my knowledge… see B.

*I have been sending updates about the new live game show I’ve been hosting since January, Desi Chain. (Desi being a synonym for South Asian.) Well, the updates are about to stop, especially since thousands of you are, how shall we say, not Desi.

If you DO want Desi Chain updates, please reply to me and I’ll add you to a separate distribution list.

So, you’ll be on a distribution list and in a spreadsheet. Lucky you.

While I have your attention… Desi Chain is off to a fantastic start! We’ve been fortunate to have on everyone from the amazing Miss America Nina Davuluri to the dynamic Aparna & lovely Manisha from Indian Matchmaking.

Please tune in every Thursday at 8 PM ET to

I write “ET.” Because this is the last week you can use EST till the fall. Don’t tell me these newsletters aren’t helpful.

Almost done. Here’s a joke…

Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

Thanks, as ALWAYS, for your support!

- Rajiv

P.S. — Fun fact: there are six monosyllabic countries when spelled in English. France. Spain. Greece. Chad. Laos. Wales. Some folks maintain Wales isn’t a country, but I’ll never understand those people.