The 97th Oscars — My Take on the Best Picture Nominees

Contains No Spoilers

𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀

As of a week ago, I’d seen exactly none of them. I blazed through nine in the last seven days.

I remember studying for the SAT and one of the prep books read something like, “The best way to build a large vocabulary is by reading a variety of good books over the course of a lifetime. Given you have only a few weeks, here’s a list.”

Next year, I really need to start earlier, or I’ll face the same conundrum. Seriously, this was arduous, onerous, and laborious.

For the first time I can recall, I have no dog in this race. I’m not ranking any of them above 90%. Whatever could win and I wouldn’t care all that much. I hated only one of them, but I don’t love any of them enough for me to feel wounded like I did in 2005 when Crash beat Brokeback Mountain or 2010 when The King’s Speech defeated The Social Network.

(I’m going by the years of the films, not the ceremonies. This 2025 ceremony is celebrating the films of 2024.)

Overall, I applaud the Industry (here and abroad) for its courage. (And in fact, the Academy, as only two—Dune: Part Two and Wicked—were produced by major Hollywood studios.) There are some BIG SWINGS here. The problem is it reminds me of a critique of Lord Chesterfield's letters by Reverend Martin Sherlock (what doesn’t?), who stated, “What is new is not good and what is good is not new.”

I watch movies for themes, character development, conflict, and plot. Another way to look at “theme” is “Why did the creator make this?” I felt a number of films lacked a definitive answer. In short, what was the point of, say, Anora?

Besides boobs. I forgot that in my list. I watch movies for themes, character development, conflict, plot, and boobs. This slate of BPs has to be the strongest showing of so much hot ass on-screen. Of the nine I saw, seven featured beautiful women. Nice work on that.

It came at a cost: In Back to the Future, Huey Lewis tells Marty McFly’s band, “Hold it, fellas... I'm afraid you're just too darn loud.” These movies were just too darn long. They clock in with the longest average runtime in Oscar history: approximately 149 minutes (2 1⁄2 hours). No film is under 2 hours.

Apologies but I did not see Dune: Part Two. Given my limited time (my life is clearly SO busy), I had to make a decision to omit one. And given I haven’t seen Dune, this was going to be a five-hour investment.

Alright. I’ve read no reviews of any of them so these are purely my thoughts. Here goes.

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𝗥𝗮𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 + 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀

1. Conclave 88%
2. I’m Still Here 86%
3. Emilia Pérez 83%
4. Wicked 81%
5. Anora 78%
6. A Complete Unknown 70%
7. Nickel Boys 65%
8. The Brutalist 63%
9. The Substance 40%
10. Dune: Part Two ??%

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𝗘𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗙𝗶𝗹𝗺

𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘷𝘦 — 88%

• Why would I care about an organization of pederasts? That’s the genius of this film. Ten minutes in, I was riveted. DYING to find out who’d be the next Pope.

• This should win and will win, most likely because the Best Picture of each year is either timely or timeless and sometimes it’s both. The current Pope could go at any minute. Despite the fact that the voting had taken place before the news became widespread, this one “feels” like it this year.

• I swear I could watch Ralph Fiennes eat a sandwich for two hours. His face alone carries the movie. One of the greatest actors in history.

• The symbolism is on-point.

• I don’t think anyone saw that twist coming.

• The writing ties it all together at the end.

• Then why only 88%? I don’t know. It presents like a very strong movie with no flaws but that doesn’t mean it’s a 10. It’s a rock-solid film and I’d totally watch it again.

𝘐’𝘮 𝘚𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘦 — 86%

• I am so glad I made a last-minute drive to the AMC 8 here in Burbank to watch this by myself. (I adore watching movies alone, btw. Well, not “alone,” as the theater was packed… in pin drop silence. But I didn’t take anyone.) To me, this was this year's Brooklyn (2015) or Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012)—movies hardly anyone saw but were fantastic.

• The remarkable thing about this one is that it depicted what it would really be like for a family member to go missing. No overdramatizing in style or over-the-top screaming. Yes, there was drama, but it all felt so real. Just day-to-day life before the disappearance and then after.

• It’s a little slow. But everything was understated and immaculately conceived, written, acted, and produced.

𝘌𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢 𝘗𝘦́𝘳𝘦𝘻 — 83%

• I get the critiques. And I agree: the songs weren’t good. The ending was a copout.

• And for me, I was about to laugh out loud at how many entities it took to produce this film. Seriously, go back to Netflix and watch the sheer number of seconds (minutes?) it takes for them to get through this part of the credits.

• Moreover, Selena Gomez’s acting was the worst I can recall from an actor in a Best Picture nom. It was atrocious, which is surprising how decent she is in Only Murders in the Building. The only aspect that seemed to land is how stupid her character would have to be to not realize who Emilia Pérez is. That part I bought.

• Why the hell am I ranking it so high then? Because we’ve never seen anything like it. A drug lord plans to undergo a sex change… set to music? Wha-? And up until the last few minutes, it worked.

𝘞𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 — 81%

• This is a hard one to rank. I rank by what each one is supposed to be. And this is supposed to be an enjoyable spectacle. On that, it delivers.

• It’s charming, funny, and gorgeous to watch.

• The songs are really good.

• But it was sooo long.

• And I felt the intended audience consists of superfans of the musical. You had to be all-in to sink your teeth into this one.

• It didn’t seem it ended in a place where The Wizard of Oz begins: several strings were left untied. (Guess that was only Part One??) But it beats the shit out of Return to Oz. (Remember THAT?)

𝘈𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘢 — 78%

• This might very well win. And again, that’s fine. It was entertaining. But I have to ask: what was the point of this movie?

• It’s extremely repetitive.

• It’s extremely repetitive.

• And too linear.

• The sex was gratuitous. Anora makes Midnight Cowboy look like Bambi.

• I’m not sure I needed every single detail of the chase from the latter half of the flick.

• That said, it had the strongest ending of any of these, probably even more so than Conclave.

𝘈 𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦 𝘜𝘯𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 — 70%

• American Popular Music? If this category popped up (pun intended) as I’m a contestant on Jeopardy!, I’d be ecstatic. As such, I should’ve loved A Complete Unknown. I didn’t.

• Maybe I’m getting weary of biopics, but this one fell flat to me. I applaud the focus. Bob Dylan has had a sprawling career and it would’ve been easy to get bogged down in a stretched-out narrative from his birth to death.

• Oh, he’s still alive. That’d be pretty funny: to depict the death of someone still walking around.

• I felt the female characters were merely props to tell a story.

• And beyond them, what about Joni Mitchell and Simon & Garfunkel as major figures keeping folk music front-and-center? Bob Dylan was far from the only one.

• Too many times, the film fell into the trope of using big news events as guideposts. I understand that’s a device to ground a story, but I’m also tired of seeing it on the big screen.

• Edward Norton did a decent job. One of my best friends works for him and I wanted to like his portrayal of Pete Seeger more. I’m normally a big fan.

• Dan Fogler cannot act. He plays Dylan’s manager Albert Grossman, and there’s a scene that should’ve elicited a huge laugh and it didn’t. He was also the weak link in (500) Days of Summer and I don’t understand how he gets work.

Now, onto people who CAN act… T​​imothée Chalamet, I loved his SAG speech. I think it’s amazing that he called his shot and made it clear he wants to be one of the greats. It’s reminiscent of that exchange in Whiplash:

ANDREW: Because I want to be great.
NICOLE: And you’re not?
ANDREW: I want to be one of the greats.

• I like Chalamet. But this performance would not place him amongst the greats. Sure, he acknowledges that he’s still learning, but this was nowhere near Joaquin Phoenix in Walk the Line, let alone Jaime Foxx in Ray.

• Funny almost-story: I drove over to Hank’s Bagels here in Burbank. Naveen was not yet a year old (though he’d already met Jay Leno). I’ve done this only twice in my (his) life, but I parked on the street and needed to pick up my order, which was sitting on the counter and already paid-for. I turned to a young man seated at the table nearest my car and was about to ask him, “Thirty seconds. Could you watch my kid?” In a split-second, I realized it was Chalamet and changed my mind. I cannot tell you how much I regret this, especially because I’d normally make the right decision. How cool would it have been to tell Naveen one of his babysitters is now one of the biggest actors in the world? And maybe (by then) the greatest.

𝘕𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘭 𝘉𝘰𝘺𝘴 — 65%

• The fact that the movie was shot literally from the two boys’ POV was highly inventive. It was also not needed for an entire two hours. At some point, the director needed to drop the gimmick and zoom out.

• I know this is my own personal bias and I get why cinematographers shoot in a 4:3 aspect ratio (to convey intimacy, etc.), but I hate it. I feel like they’re not using the whole screen. Like, hey, I paid for a 16:9 screen. Shouldn’t this cost less to buy?

• OK, so on the substance of the film… it’s solid. The WHY is very clear. It matters. It’s important. I just think I’ve seen this kind of story done better.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘉𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 — 63%

• I’m assuming “The Brutalist” refers to the director for making us sit through 3 hours and 20 minutes, only to show us shitty architecture. F’real, I hated the buildings, and I’d consider myself enough of a design maven to know what I’m talking about.

• My favorite part was the intermission. There was literally a countdown for one minute. One minute. Guess they wanted to keep it tight.

• Halfway through, I started referring to this movie as There Will Be Ray. Because it was a combination of There Will Be Blood, and well, Ray. (Ray Will Be Blood?) And not nearly as good as either.

• When I did finally look up some stuff about the movie, I learned the main character isn’t even based on a real guy. Are you kidding me?

• If this isn’t a real story, maybe next time, don’t make the young girl look like Harry Potter.

• This movie pissed me off and I couldn’t wait for it to end. The only reason I’m not rating it lower is that the acting performances were good and it was beautifully shot. Oh, and the wife of his cousin was hot.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘶𝘣𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 — 40%

• Only the second movie in my life that I couldn’t finish, the other being Interview with the Vampire. (I simply couldn’t take how they bit into each other’s wrists.)

• I used to force myself to finish the screenplays and pilots people would send me… until a friend advised, “If you couldn’t finish it, then that’s your feedback.”

• I realize this is my own bias, but I am easily grossed-out. I almost ejected toward the beginning when Dennis Quaid was eating the shrimp. I don’t ever want to watch anyone eating, on-screen or IRL. (Lechter eating Pembry’s tongue is fine.)

• There’s an Indian film—I know the title but don’t want to give it away—where the main character starves himself to save his village. He does, he dies, and he isn’t all gross about it. Perfect man. Perfect movie.

• So, at what point did I stop? Fifty-eight minutes in, when her finger starts rapidly aging. It’s not so much that scene but my brothers already told me the last 20 minutes would be really hard for me to take and I figured I might as well jump ship before I’m too scarred.

• You know how women are sick and tired of seeing poor portrayals of them? Of course I realize the ratio isn’t even close, but I’m a cishet man. I don’t particularly care to watch a film that shows men in such a terrible light, either. I’m not arguing there aren’t men like that, but why would I want to watch that?

• I didn’t see what was so great about the acting. Maybe it got better, but it all seemed like a highlight reel. FWIW, Mikey Madison in Anora kicked Margaret Qualley’s ass in The Substance.

• The fact that I’m writing this much means the film clearly struck a chord. I give it credit for that. It was also highly inventive in the concept and filming. But that’s about it. The story of anti-feminine aging has also been told better elsewhere. I found it stupid and not funny at all.

• That all said, it (or Anora) would be a daring choice and might even make up for the Academy's timidity with Brokeback Mountain and The Social Network.

Alright, I gotta go cancel my MUBI subscription and get ready to watch the Oscars.

What did you think? Your favorite and least favorite?

#Oscars #Oscars2025

🎥🍿🎬

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Rajiv Satyal is a comedian. He resides in Burbank, California, about an eight-minute drive from Hank’s Bagels.