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Rajiv Satyal

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The Funny Indian Newsletter, Vol. 190

July 2022: Count Up

Rajiv Satyal

Jul 30, 2022

Welcome

Welcome to the July Funny Indian Newsletter. As promised, we’re counting up to our 200th newsletter.

Thrilled that my talk show, What Do You Bring to the Table?, just surpassed one million views. In fact, we’re at 1,219,974 views… but who’s counting? Check out new episodes at WatchRajiv.com.

And I’m performing my first hometown show in years. Read on…

Musings

(Don’t) Hate the Player

I believe I'm deeply offended by something that just happened to me, but I need Facebook to tell me how I really feel.

I'm changing the names to protect the innocent... and the potentially guilty. OK, so here's the situation:

Paul, an acquaintance of mine, reached out to me about a film script. Paul wanted me to pass it along to a famous friend of mine, Peter, and said that, if I was able to attach Peter to the script, there'd be a part for me, too. Apparently, there's a role for which I'd be "perfect."

I wrote a nice reply to Paul, indicating that I'm unable to pass along the script as Peter had said he's constantly getting hit up for stuff and that all future inquiries would need to go through Peter's agents.

(Peter and I have a very open and honest friendship, so I 100% understood and wasn't even a little annoyed or hurt.)

When I relayed this back to Paul, he said he couldn't promise anything to me unless Peter commits, as well.

Has this happened to you — and how did it make you feel?

Is it...?

"Dude, that's the game. Stop being so sensitive. It's nothing personal. This is show business and Paul's just hustling."

Or...?

"I've had this happen to me and it sucks. It's rude, and if Paul recognizes your talent and wants to serve the film's narrative, he should be casting you (or at least booking you to audition) regardless."

Or somewhere between?

I'm primarily directing this to my friends in entertainment, but I'm more than willing to listen to you regardless of your job/background.

Thanks, y'all.

Click here for 60+ comments on Facebook.

Fins to the Left, Fins to the Right

It's always funny watching an old Shark Tank episode right after a new one.

Season 13: "I'm seeking $800,000 for 5% of my business."

Season 1: "I'm seeking $5 for 80% of my business."

Brothers & Cis-ters

Gotta love how more and more traditional, heterosexual, cisgendered couples get so pissed about the liberal "grooming" agenda, and yet name their daughters more and more masculine names everyday.

Lately, I swear I've met so many female Ryans, Paxtons, Harpers, and Addisons, it's making my head spin*.

"Don't say gay, y'all. Now meet my girls: Hank and Gunther."

Drop the “The.” Just “Facebook.” It’s cleaner.

Many citizens of other countries refer to the USA as "The States." Not united, not divided. Just The States.

Perhaps they've been onto something all along. Aristotle once said, "The eye cannot see itself": oftentimes strangers notice something about you that you can't.

So, because today's our Independence Day, let me say that I wish you the Fourth of July. Not happy, not unhappy. Just a Fourth.

Though perhaps I should spell out that I don't mean the Fourth Amendment as over half the population might soon lose that protection in a post-Roe world.

Nor the Fourth Commandment: we're not quite yet to the point where the Ten Commandments are on display everywhere you look, though that's coming to a theater near you.

So, yeah, I hereby acknowledge it's the fourth day of the seventh month. Since 1776? Since 1619? We can't even all agree on that.

Alright, that's everything I wanted to... State. Let's eat some BBQ. 🇺🇸

Updates

See

Future

08/05: The Nitecap (Burbank, CA)

08/28: Ekal Vidyalaya (Cincinnati, OH) (pic)

Past

07/23: Live for the Moment (Windsor, ON)

Watch

These are available at WatchRajiv.com:

For short clips, check out Instagram.com/FunnyIndian.

Like

It's so hot in England, Indians are vacationing there to feel at home.

Like

I sign emails sent from my computer, “Sent from my iPhone,” just so nobody thinks they can beat me in a thumb war. #BePrepared

Ask

In order, what are your favorite TV platforms? Include cable, broadcast, streaming.

Click here for some great answers on Facebook.

Ask

Indians — What do you think of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom*?

Click here for 50+ great answers on Facebook.

Ask

What kind of psychopaths floss before they brush?

Click here for 40+ great answers on Facebook.

Laugh

Since this is a FUNNY Indian Newsletter, I present here the 5 funny things that I saw, heard, wrote, or remembered for the last month... otherwise known as FIVE - Funny Indian's V Events.

5. This WaitButWhy Twitter post is just so cool. Especially the last graphic. (Wow, am I a clickbait writer now?)

4. Brutal Hippo Attack Caught on Camera (but not really… it’s so cute).

3. As it’s been said: YOU HAD ONE JOB.

2. 1-min clip: That night at the Hollywood Laugh Factory when Dave owned Dane.

1. Normally, I pick something easily clickable for the top spot, but my favorite podcast, The Rewatchables, just hit its own Apex Mountain. It’s kind of an inside joke because you truly have to live in the intersection of 21st century film and 1970s classic rock. Fast-forward and listen to exactly one minute from 1hr20min to 1hr21min.

Close

THANK YOU to all of you for your support. You are my true core of fans — I couldn't do this without you.

Love,

- Rajiv