The Funny Indian Newsletter, Vol. 196
January 2023: Three Short
Welcome
Welcome to the first Funny Indian Newsletter of 2023. We’ll do Musings and then Updates, per yoozh.
Musings
Damp January
I'd rather give up alcohol for a month than caffeine for a week.
That said… well, I broke Dry January, that thing I do every year where I teetotal for 31 days… or at least 30. Two Saturday nights ago. In New York City.
Toward the beginning of the year, when I booked a corporate gig for Axtria Inc. in Somerset, NJ, I began grappling with just how I was gonna make it without drinking through three nights in my favorite place on the planet. Not Somerset, NJ. But New York, NY.
As many of you know, I run something called the "Year of the Hustle." It's a list of items I do every single day of the year. I'm in my eighth year of not missing a day (meditation, yoga, eating veggies, drinking water, writing, etc.).
Those are all DOs. For 2023, I wanted to add some DON'Ts: try to avoid certain behaviors for a month.
To clarify, the DON'T behaviors are an experiment: they don't mean that I break my Year of the Hustle. It's all in the attempt. In fact, I asked my fellow members in our "Year of the Hustle" group how I should handle it:
"Question… OK, so obviously, doing Dry January right means not drinking alcohol the entire month. I’ve seen variations where any 30-day period counts. Like, it’s our bad luck that Jan has 31 days. So drinking on 1/31 is OK. Here’s the thing, though… I’ll be in New York on a Saturday night. The Bengals are playing the next day. No immediate plans to return to my favorite place in the world. If I do suspend DryJan for a few hours, how many days would you say I’d need to tack onto the end of the month to punish myself for this?"
Every single person said it was OK, that in the words of Depeche Mode, "we have to make this live livable." I said a 3:1 ratio sounded fair: for every day I get wet, so to speak, I lose three days.
So, this is the first Dry January ever that I didn’t make it 30 days. I actually avoided drinking on Thursday and Friday nights in NY. On the 21st day, I survived “drinks” with 15 close friends in New York, one of whom might still be the best salesman I know… my friend, Stephen Schuler, from Case Western Reserve University.
I even survived it when two of my brothers, Rakesh & John, treated me to a great dinner at Junoon. Easier since they’re dry, too. Survived the standup show with 150 people in attendance and an open bar for the comics. Buuuut then they turned on the music. A mix of Bollywood and hip-hop. Still fine.
Aaaaand then... Vishnu Vaka showed up: a very funny comic who gave me the biggest and warmest greeting ever, saying he got inspired to do this by seeing Russell Peters and me perform at The Ohio State University in 2004.
Vishnu moved his train to 5 AM to stay for the Bollywood after-party, begged me to drink with him, and just started handing me cocktails… I spit out the first one, and finally, around midnight, I went all in and had three vodka-sodas.
And. We. Tore. Up. That. Dance. Floor.
Was Vishnu the devil on my shoulder or a message from God? Well, his namesake is our God of Maintaining… if that isn't a sign, then I don't know what is. No regrets.
And then there was The Sundance Film Festival. The producers of our show flew us in and took us out to a fine Italian dinner, replete with a couple of bottles of top-shelf wine, which everyone at the table enjoyed.
These two instances are both different from sitting on a Tuesday afternoon, jonesin’ whiskey. So, sometimes you have to roll not with the letter of the law, but the spirit. Pun intended.
#dryjanuary till 2/6 it is! Cheers to that.
Updates
See
Future:
03/10: The She-Suite Summit (Virtual)
Past:
01/13: The Stand Up Comedy Club (Bellflower, CA)
01/20: Axtria Late Holiday Party (Somerset, NJ)
01/21: Bollywood Fomo (New York, NY)
01/25: The Sundance Film Festival (Park City, UT)
01/28: Indian Dental Association of California (City of Industry, CA)
Like
It was a blast performing at the Sundance Film Festival!
Super grateful to Nick Job and Del Eswar for hiring me to punch up their independent feature film, God of Laughter. As a bonus, they booked us to perform our own li'l independent show at the world-renowned festival.
When Del & Nick approached me, I said I was honored they'd ask for my help but that I also can't stand most scripts that come across my desk. Well, I fell in love with the story of a young Indian stand-up comedian searching for his way in the world of comedy. (Kinda resonated with me.) Let's hope the film itself is featured at Sundance in 2024...
It was great to reconnect with the hilarious headliner, my good friend and Make Chai Not War brother, Hari Kondabolu. And to have dinner with his good friend, W. Kamau Bell. Years ago, Kamau and I had exchanged emails; he was super helpful as I was developing my first solo show. But this was the first time we met IRL. Hari and I stayed at the same Airbnb so we got a real chance to spend some QT together to catch up. The show was totally packed (but not Totally Biased — wish Kamau had done a set)... it was an honor to be a part of the first South Asian comedy show in Sundance's history.
It was fun meeting Janesh Rahlan (through this and through my cousin, Sunjay Lad). And a blast to share the stage again with the always-funny Zahra Ali.
Watch
One of my all-time favorite interviews, Humble the Poet dropped some serious knowledge.
Like
Congratulations to my Cincinnati Bengals for another amazing season. There were some bad calls in that AFC Championship Game, but above all else, it’s just tough to beat a crappy team four times in a row, let alone one that’s arguably better than you. Congrats to the Kansas City Chiefs on a great win… celebrate while you can, because my guess is you get blown out in a fortnight by the Philadephia Eagles.
Love
Ask
How do you know when the Universe is testing you vs. telling you to give up?
As many of us take stock of our lives, both personally and professionally, I keep returning to the above question. I'm not sure if I'm gonna phrase all of this as well as I'd like, but here goes...
It's a tough question, and I'd rather leave it open-ended than provide too much context. Suffice it to say that I'm not asking about my entire career (ha) but rather a specific aspect/project within it that just keeps hitting roadblock after roadblock.
There are those who'll say, "Never give up!" That the pursuit, the journey is the point, even if you don't reach your objective. I hear that, but I have a more practical concern, because we all have limited resources: limited money, limited energy, and limited time in the day.
You might recall the ending of the "Jane" story from my solo show about dating:
"What I told myself the whole time was, 'Never give up!' I think the real lesson was, 'Dude, give up!'”
So, I know your answer might be, "Focus on your heart/gut/soul and really, really listen." But what if I've done that, over and over, for years? And I feel like I'm just hitting a wall? What signs might there be for me to stick with it vs. follow a different path?
Thanks for any insight you can provide.
Overall, don't worry: things are great. My hope for you in 2023 is that you can feel an iota of the gratitude for the life I am blessed to have.
[Click for some great answers on Facebook.]
Ask
Some bands are like vaccines. You get enough of a dose in high school and never have to listen to them again. For me, that's the Steve Miller Band. They're awesome but I don't have the need to hear their songs anymore*. Are any musicians like that for you? You went through a phase but don't really listen to them now?
[Click for some great answers on Facebook.]
Ask
Do you have a tankless water heater? What do you like and not like about it?
[Click for some good answers on Facebook.]
Ask
Energy drinks are bad for you. But if you really want to, which one do you drink?
[Click for some good answers on Facebook.]
Laugh
Since this is a FUNNY Indian Newsletter, I present here the 5 funny things that I saw, heard, wrote, or remembered for the last month... otherwise known as FIVE - Funny Indian's V Events.
5. There Has Never Been a Better Time to Be Short. Wish the article were longer.
4. Meet the House GOP’s Newly Crowned Comedy King. Jokes are our only way out. More of this, please, on either side of the aisle — or both.
3. The Greatest Prediction in Sports History. OK, so we’re probably pretty close to the midpoint of the baseball offseason but this was still pretty dope.
2. Your Personality, Explained by Your Annoying Household Habits. This is scary-true. The other night, I tried out a brand-new one-liner that landed on the first try: “I think I love washing dishes because you can turn your back on your family.”
1. Bill Maher comes out swingin’ in his 21 season on HBO.
Close
THANK YOU to all of you for your support. You are my true core of fans — I couldn't do this without you.
Love,
- Rajiv
Hey Rajiv! I have loved your content and thank you for standing up for Hindu interests as a stand-up artist, something I haven't seen any others doing. However, I do wonder why you choose to share a stage with Hari Kondabolu who has actively worked against the interests of Hindus across the world. May that be opposing the CAA, which would have given persecuted minority Hindus of South Asia a fast-tracked option for citizenship in India, while not affecting any other group? You've mentioned that we shouldn't use the term South Asian, and rather Indian or Hindu to identify ourselves, but you also act in "all-South Asian" artists groups from avowed "South Asians" like Hari. Why so?