The Funny Indian Newsletter, Vol. 208
January 2024: HNY
Welcome
Welcome to The Funny Indian Newsletter!
A couple of fun things for you before we jump in…
And if you get your answer to me before Sunday’s first kickoff and you win, I’ll honor this, but to be fair to those who submitted ahead of time, half of the amount.
Musings
A Personal Take on My Current Life
𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘙𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘚𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘔𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘢 𝘔𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘈𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘔𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬
Right after I posted my 2023 Professional Achievements (which you can read in a recent post), a LinkedIn contact named Bhaskar Patel messaged me:
𝐼𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑓𝑢𝑙. 𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢.
𝐷𝑜𝑒𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑓𝑙𝑒𝑐𝑡 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑓 2023? 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠 𝑖𝑡 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑓𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑖𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑒𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑠 𝑖𝑛 2024?
𝐼𝑡 𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑘𝑠 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑃𝑟𝑜𝑓𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 - 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑎𝑡 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑡 𝑖𝑛 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑜𝑛 𝑎 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑙𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑙?
𝑊𝑖𝑠ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑡ℎ𝑦, 𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑐𝑒𝑓𝑢𝑙 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑓𝑢𝑛 2024.
𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
“Yes” is the short answer to his first two questions. Here’s the long answer to all three:
In the 1993 Seinfeld episode, “The Visa,” the same one in which Babu Bhatt is in the process of deportation back to Pakistan, George mocks Kramer’s decision to go to a baseball fantasy camp:
“𝘒𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘱. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘱. 𝘗𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘱𝘭𝘶𝘯𝘬 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬. 𝘋𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘴𝘴-𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺, 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘹 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨.”
[Click to finish on Substack. Click to finish on Facebook.]
4 Reasons Why Jo Koy’s Golden Globes Monologue Didn’t Work
Jo Koy once had dinner at my parents’ so now I’ve seen him eat it twice.
Barack Obama once laughed about the fact that kids thought his name was all one word: barackobama. My favorite NPR reporter name is Mara Liasson, because every time the network utters her name, I imagine how many different ways it can be parsed: Is she Ma Raliasson? Mara Liasson? Maral Iasson? Marali Asson? Maralias’ Son? Which brings me to comedian Jo Koy's hosting performance at last night’s 81st Golden Globe Awards. Ten seconds before he began, he was “Jo Koy.” Ten seconds into his opening monologue, he was “Joke-Oy.”
Do I feel bad for Koy? There’s a fine line between pity and empathy. I can’t very well pity him, given how amazingly successful he is: my dude is on FIRE; he just sold out Madison Square Garden. But I can, human to human, feel for a man who’s getting clobbered in the press and on social media.
[Click to finish on Substack. Click to finish on Facebook.]
I’m Glad I’m Dead
2024, widely predicted to be among the wildest years in American history, seems to be self-actualizing before our very eyes.
Many people sent me the new George Carlin special. That’s right — 15 years after Carlin’s death, he’s back. Move over, Hologram Tupac. It’s AI Carlin. And here’s the YouTube description, showing a viewcount of over a quarter million views in three days…
[Click to finish on Substack. Click to finish on Facebook.]
I Don’t KNOW, Margot
I've watched the Oscars every year since the '80s. I haven't seen all of 2023's nominated films yet so bear with me, but here's a theory to console those upset about Margot Robbie's not receiving a Best Actress nod (and granted, this doesn't cover Greta Gerwig):
It COULD be that Margot Robbie isn't nominated because it's such a strong acting year for women and that Ryan Gosling is nominated because it's such a weak acting year for men.
The Academy doesn't look vertically at each film to decide how many awards to give it. It looks horizontally across all films to determine the peak achievement in each category.
As such, it can result in what seem like tone-deaf omissions.
Or maybe they were bribed.
But Robbie's snub doesn't necessarily mean sexism.
Though it definitely might.
Throwing Down the Gauntlet
I’ve never played pickleball.
But based on my tennis and ping-pong skills, I can say this:
Book a court and I guarantee I’ll beat you.
Stolen Dance
Any day the Steelers lose is a good day. Any day the Steelers lose in the playoffs is a great day.
Parrot
Update: Standup Comedy Special
After many rounds of editing my 92-min set over many months, we’ve cut out the subpar bits. It’s down to 91 minutes.
Updates
See
Future:
02/01: Thrive State Summit (Virtual) (pic): I’m doing a session for this online mental health event.
04/20: Bollywood! at the Fitton Center (Hamilton, OH)
Super excited to come home to my birthplace to MC this Bollywood program my Mom is organizing! It’s a family affair. Of course, Brown people know all about Bollywood. The uniqueness of this event is it’s meant to be an introduction for everyone (from Black to White) who’s ever wanted to know more about Bollywood. (The Bo-Curious?) Tickets WILL sell out. Get yours today!
Past:
01/05: Ice House (Pasadena, CA)
01/06: The Un-Surrection (Burbank, CA)
It was an honor to perform alongside Trae Crowder, the self-described Liberal Redneck, who then came over this week to do my podcast. Episode coming soon.
Like
Ask
Pleasantly surprised at the response. Humor’s not dead after all.
[Click here for some good answers on Facebook.]
Ask
Finished The Night Agent on Netflix. What’d ya think?
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Laugh
Since this is a FUNNY Indian Newsletter, I present here the 5 funny things that I saw, heard, wrote, or remembered for the last month... otherwise known as FIVE - Funny Indian's V Events.
5. This is astonishing: A prediction from 1947 of what life would be like once everyone had a tiny portable TV in their pockets. He nailed it.
4. Feel like I’ve seen this before (pandemic?) but tough to argue with 11 M views.
3. Well, it worked. And it’s a winner’s mentality. Moreover, it’s (theoretically) his last election, so he really doesn’t need them to live.
2. What nearly every man goes through at the grocery store.
1. I’m not a gamer but I appreciated this.
Close
THANK YOU to all of you for your support. You are my true core of fans — I couldn't do this without you.
Love,
- Rajiv