The Funny Indian Newsletter, Vol. 211
April 2024: First Third
Welcome
Welcome to The Funny Indian Newsletter!
Next Thursday, May 9th, in New York City, I’m screening the standup special that I shot in LA+Cincinnati. Of course, I'm doing a lot of marketing, but in my experience, the most effective method is when good people like YOU encourage your people to come. As a show of my appreciation, your folks can use the code IGot5OnIt for an extra $5 off. Mind forwarding this newsletter to any friends who’ll be in NYC?
And now, my Musings and Updates, including an epic shot of Hasan Minhaj and me.
Musings
Mother Loose
I swear some of these nursery rhymes had to be written by someone with ADHD.
1, 2. Buckle my shoe.
3, 4. Shut the door.
5, 6. Pick up sticks.
7, 8. Lay them straight.
9, 10. A big fat hen!
I've got notes.
The first line is fine. We're getting ready to go somewhere. From an instructive standpoint, I'd prefer "shoe" be plural since we have, you know, two feet. But I get the need to rhyme. And again, if you have ADHD, maybe you can't focus long enough to fasten both shoes. It's important to be neurodivergent-inclusive. I support this.
Line two, we immediately run into a problem. Why are we shutting the door after we put on our shoes? OK, in some iterations, I've seen "Open the door." That's better.
But then, after we've opened the door, why are we picking up sticks outdoors? Is our kid cleaning the yard? Is this child labor? OK, benefit of the doubt. Maybe it's an inside door and the kid is now in the hallway or the kitchen or someplace.
I love line four. "Lay them straight." Alright, awesome. We FINALLY have a coherent narrative in the offing.
And then the last line just goes right off the rails. What the heck does a big fat hen have to do with the rest of this tale? Are we supposed to smack this obese chicken with the sticks? Now that'd be some fowl play. Get it? Fowl? Foul? Anyone? This thing on?
Seriously, though. Someone explain this to me.
Finding Your Happy Place
The news of O.J. Simpson’s passing took many of us back 30 years to that fateful day of the white Bronco chase. I didn’t even have to look it up: June 17, 1994.
As the Class of 1994 President at Fairfield High School in Ohio, I’ve set our 30th Reunion for June 29, 2024. Our committee consists of Kathy, Megan, Sarah, and… Rajiv. That tells you a lot about my hometown. Sarah suggested that perhaps I could write something about Simpson’s passing. We agreed I should keep it apolitical.
I’ve been a professional writer for nearly 20 years. And I couldn’t do it.
How does one write something neutral about something so charged?
Click to finish reading on my Substack.
A.I. = American Indian (or Indian American)
Those Jokes Killed
My O.J. jokes onstage last night… to laughs, claps, groans, & gasps…
“It’s funny that OJ Simpson died. I mean, it’s just funny that he died. Ok, F’real… OJ Simpson died two days after the eclipse. Something dark blotting out something light… there’s a joke in there somewhere… I can’t find it… kinda like the murder weapon… too soon?”
Updates
See
Future:
05/09: Standup Comedy Special Screening (New York, NY)
05/15: Cinnamon @ Emerson College (Hollywood, CA)
05/17: Indian American Coalition of Central Texas (Austin, TX)
Past:
04/11: Adam & Friends @ State Social House (Hollywood, CA)
04/16: YPO @ The Hollywood Improv (W. Hollywood, CA)
04/17: Cinnamon @ Emerson College (Hollywood, CA)
04/20: Bollywood! @ the Fitton Center (Hamilton, OH)
04/26: Opening for Hasan Minhaj @ Brady Music Center (Cincinnati, OH) (pic)
Watch
Ready for another epic promo video? Some of you are in it.
Watch
Yet Another Bob Herzog Interview
We didn't land at CVG till 2:45 AM last Thursday night (well, Friday morning) and I didn't fall asleep till 5 AM... so given I would've had to wake up at 7 AM (4 AM LA time), my publicist Fred Anderson rescheduled my interview with Bob Herzog and Jen Dalton on LOCAL 12, WKRC-TV for today.
That wasn't easy either, given I'm now fighting a cold, and in five hours, I’m gonna be standing onstage at The Andrew J Brady Music Center in front of 4000+ people, opening for Hasan Minhaj. Well, that just got real.
I'll post the link when I have it. And yes, that's my mama (the Bollywood Producer herself) right there by my side.
See many of you fellow Cincinnatians there tonight... hope to do us all proud!
Listen
Two new super solid podcast interviews, which makes three really good political guests in a row… check ’em at TheTanGentShow.com.
Like
Absolutely epic night in Hamilton, Ohio! More pics & shout-outs to come, but for now, let’s just say THANK YOU to my birthplace and congratulations to my Mom & everyone involved!
Ask
MUSIC TRIVIA
You don't feel like working today. Do this instead.
Make a list of numbers 0 - 30. Without using Google, Spotify, etc., list a song title that contains that standalone number, either in written or numerical form.
For example, "Sixteen" doesn't count for "6" and "1985" doesn't count for "5."
Preferably the song itself (but at least the artist) should generally be known by Americans.
I wasn't able to do it for 11, 14, 23, 26, or 28. Perhaps you can.
Go!
Click here for some… well, good tries, especially by my WEBN friend Rob Calvert.
Laugh
Since this is a FUNNY Indian Newsletter, I present here the 5 funny things that I saw, heard, wrote, or remembered for the last month... otherwise known as FIVE - Funny Indian's V Events.
5. New Rule: Collective Narcissism | Real Time with Bill Maher
4. President Biden complete remarks at 2024 White House Correspondents' Dinner
3. Jon Stewart Slams Media for Breathless Trump Trial Coverage | The Daily Show
2. Comedian Colin Jost delivers remarks at White House Correspondents’ Dinner
1. Conan O'Brien Needs a Doctor While Eating Spicy Wings | Hot Ones
Close
THANK YOU to all of you for your support. You are my true core of fans — I couldn't do this without you.
Love,
- Rajiv