The Funny Indian Newsletter, Vol. 222

March 2025: Final Four

Mar 31, 2025

Welcome

Welcome to The Funny Indian Newsletter!

Musings

"BIRTHDAY WEEKS" — I'M JUST GONNA MAKE 2 POINTS:

1. What is up with people now celebrating "Birthday Week"? How unbelievably egotistical do you have to be to take more than one day for yourself, especially as a full-grown adult?

2. My birthday is Friday so it's birthday week for me.

#birthweek

ONE SWEET DAY

The other day, my Mom, Harsha, and I took Naveen to a nearby town called Montrose for a haircut. The place specializes in kids' stylings; Naveen sat in a firetruck.

Afterwards, we all went to a li'l cafe for breakfast. Simple spot, peek at the display cases full of goodies, pick some, pay at the counter, sit down and eat. Naveen, being three, was loud and playful. A fellow middle-aged man walked in with his family, smiled at us, and nonchalantly asked Naveen what kind of goodie he wanted as if we were old friends. Harsha walked Naveen over and the dude just bought a donut for Naveen.

LA is such a large city, it's so easy to slip through the cracks. Times are also so tough, so much of what we're seeing on the news (well, so I hear—I haven't watched since the election) is how angry everyone is. And that's all real.

But it's still random acts of kindness that remind us that the people we meet everyday are good. I can't tell you how much a small thing that this 40-something, sandy-blond-haired father did for my son made my day.

Sure, it's Montrose and not Hollywood, but as Dorothy Parker might’ve once remarked, "LA is 72 suburbs in search of a city." The fact that we experienced such a small-town moment within such a short drive of our house made us feel welcome, seen, heard—and full.

We ate most of that donut. Kids really shouldn't eat that junk so early in life.

Aging

My 49th year (this past one) was the one that my age finally caught up with me:

I now have to hold my phone about 18" from my face so my eyes can focus.

I can't say I'm terrified of falling but I became more fearful of slipping and injuring myself, knowing my body wouldn't heal the same way.

Click to finish on Substack.

Updates

See

Future:

04/05: Charity Event (Los Angeles, CA)

05/10: ISKCON Temple Fundraiser (Columbus, OH)

05/11: Akshaya Patra (College Park, MD)

05/18: ISKCON Temple Fundraiser (Chicago, IL)

Past:

03/07: Rajiv Satyal’s Birthday Show (N. Hollywood, CA)

Listen

Releasing a few clips of my interview with The New York Times and The New Yorker writer Henry Alford, whose book I Dream of Joni is really good.

I loved chatting with Vijal Patel, the creator of The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh.

Why place these under Listen and not Watch? Well, you can catch the full interview on Spotify.

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A post shared by @funnyindian

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A post shared by @funnyindian

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𝙄 𝙈𝙀𝙏 𝙇𝙊𝙐𝙄𝙎 𝘾.𝙆.

I completed the set last night. I met Louis C.K., the fourth, final, and favorite of my Mt. Rushmore of Standup Comedy. It was a long time coming, given I’d met Dave Chappelle in 2000, Chris Rock in 2004, and Bill Burr in 2018. These four men are the epitome of comedians who live within the Venn Diagram overlap of Hilarious, Successful, and Insightful.

I didn’t even know Louis was going to be in Hermosa Beach until last week when I was double-checking the start time of Kevin Nealon’s show the night before my birthday.

I asked Richard the booker about coming down to hang on one of his three nights (MWF this week), writing that I’m sure he’d been inundated by every comic ever. He said even that was an understatement: comics were buying tickets just to sit in the audience. As such, when a couple seats became available yesterday, I jumped on one of ‘em and made the trek down from Burbank to Hermosa Beach (a long drive, or as I refer to it, “a short flight”). I thought about buying both but wanted to leave it open for someone else who really wanted it.

Richard had already told me Louis had left right after his Monday night set, meeting no comics. So when I arrived yesterday and saw Louis standing outside with only one of the openers (the very funny Mike Vecchione), I stepped lightly and introduced myself.

I wasn’t going to make the same mistake as when I talked to Colin Quinn for 15 minutes outside the Comedy Cellar in New York, after which my friend, comic Sachin Shaan, said to me, “Did you even tell him you’re a comic?” “D’oh!” (“Dad, did you bring a saw?”)

But I did essentially turn into George Clooney’s character in Up In The Air (really strong resemblance, I know) when he meets the Captain of American Airlines, portrayed by the legend Sam Elliott:

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵? 𝘗𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.

𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺?

(𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦) 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳.

𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘐𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘶𝘴.

I didn’t make the mistake of over-sharing or fan-boying… except maaaybe telling him he was my all-time #1 and tentatively asking for a selfie, knowing he’d say no. He replied, “I… don’t do selfies.” “I figured.”

So, there’s no evidence of this fateful meeting. Just like there’s none of the five minutes I talked to Ben Kingsley at the LAX Delta Lounge. (Sorry, American Airlines.)

Or the time that Michael Jackson came over to my house to use the bathroom. (OK, that didn’t happen*.)

But Ben Kingsley and Louis C.K. have that in common: they BOTH don’t have a photo with Rajiv Satyal. And it’s really only those two guys, like Ray Charles and Hitler.

This ChatGPT pic will have to do. Short of looking like George Clooney, more flattered I could not be. This is worth the $20 monthly fee.

After that, I just chilled and matched the two comics’ energy. I didn’t want to jump into interview mode, either. But I had to know one thing…

“Louis, could I ask you a question?”

“Yeah.”

I didn’t even crack my usual joke of, “I just did. OK, here’s another one.”

Some background (I didn’t say all of this to him):

The late Eden Bernardy over at the Margie Haber Studio was one of the greatest teachers I ever had. She once told the class how she was at The Formosa Cafe (that rhymes with “Hermosa”) when she saw Kevin Spacey sitting by himself. (Hey, while I’m writing about a canceled comic, why not go all-in here?)

She had the waiter take him a piece of paper that simply read, “When did you know you were good?” Spacey loved the question so much that he got up, sat down at Eden’s table, and talked to her for 90 minutes.

So, I tried it. Louis goes, “I don’t know… I don’t know… that’s a tough question.” And he walked away.

Doesn’t always work.

I said to Mike, “I scared him away. I did it.” Mike sorta chuckled and then I went inside to see ISMO host for 10, Mike feature for 20, and then Louis destroy for 75 minutes. He’s still got it. Full of hilarity, life advice, philosophy, confessions… all the things that make him the best.

As I was standing in line to use the bathroom, the social media person for the club pulled me over and said it was totally fine for me to use the comics’ bathroom. She had her camera and was the one who posted a nice IG Story about my birthday last week. I saw Louis standing in the green room and had a quick thought to ask her for an “official picture” with Louis, but since I’d already asked him, I didn’t wanna push. The show was about to start and that’s really not the time to do that sorta thing.

While Louis was onstage, I did walk back to tell Mike he had a great set. And I met some other comics after the show, Andre from Portugal and Jordan from North Carolina (really). We rapped with ISMO for a few and then I drove home. I stopped at Fatburger in honor of Ice Cube but it was closed.

In retrospect, I kinda wish I would’ve talked to Louis about his upcoming three gigs in India. That would’ve been a topic I could’ve covered well. Maybe I could’ve opened one of those shows. Oh, well. Happens to all of us.

FWIW, I get why Louis is canceled (to the extent that he is). I don’t condone what he did. But I can separate the product from the producer and as I’ve said in conversation many times (to much laughter, especially from women)... on a scale from 1 to 10, in terms of how badly males have treated females, let’s say...

Hitler’s a 10. There were some men in there, too, but stay with me.
Ted Bundy’s a 9. (It’s a logarithmic scale.)
O.J. Simpson’s an 8. Norm Macdonald would be proud.
And speaking of comedians, Bill Cosby’s a 7.
Donald Trump and Bill Clinton are both 6s.
So then Louis’s about a 5, which illustrates Louis’ own bit about how the worst thing to happen to women are men. (Is 5 an average on a log scale? I don’t think so, but hey.)
Anyway, Aziz Ansari is probably a 4.
Your standard straight man is a 3.
Your standard gay man is a 2.
And your standard trans woman is a 1.

I don’t want to bury the lede... they say, "May you never meet your heroes."

I got to meet one of mine. And he was nice to me. I’ll take it.

Like

That Oscar party where Jay Shetty pulled me in for a hug...

And 3 min later, Poorna Jagannathan pulled me in for my mug.

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Happy Birthday Eve to me! Super fun night down in Hermosa Beach. I wasn't on the bill but it's almost more fun to be called out as a surprise visitor alongside a star from The West Wing.

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𝙏𝙃𝙀 97𝙏𝙃 𝙊𝙎𝘾𝘼𝙍𝙎 — 𝙈𝙔 𝙏𝘼𝙆𝙀 𝙊𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘽𝙀𝙎𝙏 𝙋𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙐𝙍𝙀 𝙉𝙊𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙀𝙎

CONTAINS NO SPOILERS

𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀

As of a week ago, I’d seen exactly none of them. I blazed through nine in the last seven days.

I remember studying for the SAT and one of the prep books read something like, “The best way to build a large vocabulary is by reading a variety of good books over the course of a lifetime. Given you have only a few weeks, here’s a list.”

Next year, I really need to start earlier, or I’ll face the same conundrum. Seriously, this was arduous, onerous, and laborious.

For the first time I can recall, I have no dog in this race. I’m not ranking any of them above 90%. Whatever could win and I wouldn’t care all that much. I hated only one of them, but I don’t love any of them enough for me to feel wounded like I did in 2005 when Crash beat Brokeback Mountain or 2010 when The King’s Speech defeated The Social Network.

Click to finish on Facebook.

Laugh

Since this is a FUNNY Indian Newsletter, I present here the 5 funny things that I saw, heard, wrote, or remembered for the last month... otherwise known as FIVE - Funny Indian's V Events. Enjoy.

5. Funny comment FTW.