The Funny Indian Newsletter, Vol. CLXX

November 2020: Home for the Holidays... Literally

Welcome

Happy Thanksgiving. It’s so nice to have a day to sit at home and do nothing. 🦃

Announcements:

Scroll for more cool stuff… this one’s pretty election-heavy… here’s to less politics going forward… 🥂


Listen

I appeared on three podcasts… Modern Minorities. The Bliss Society. Brown People We Know:


See

PAST:

10/30: Fab Life 360 on Rukus Avenue Radio

11/01: Join Comedian Rajiv Satyal to Call South Asian Voters in Michigan!

11/01: Facebook Watch Party

11/06: Greenwich, CT, ICC Diwali Special

11/07: AIM for Seva

11/12: Northwestern University Panel

11/18: Salesforce.com

FUTURE:

12/01: Votella GA - Join Nik Dodani, Ravi Patel, and me!

12/05: Concord Temple Gala

12/16: Humor That Works


Read

Honored that Rediff published the piece I initially released on Medium/Facebook with an accompanying video. Check the screenshots on Facebook or click to read on Rediff’s website:


Read

2020 ELECTION THOUGHTS (EXACTLY 24 HOURS LATER)

HERE'S MY PLAY-BY-PLAY

I texted a bunch of mostly-Left-leaning friends to take their temperature... I'm happy to report that very few of us felt hopeful throughout the night, but many more of us feel hopeful today.

[Click to read more.]. [Click here to watch it.]


Follow

Prediction: Biden 278. Trump resigns. Pence pardons. Joe becomes our 47th President.

Hey, Trump: ALL VOTES MATTER.

Hey, Trump, maybe NBC will let you host another reality show: The Biggest Loser.

Arizona: Trump shouldn’t have messed with McCain’s ghost this close to Halloween.

Friend: Are you having trouble focusing today? Me: Nope. Glued to the TV.

Is Costco running any good pre-Civil War sales?

A sign you may be consuming too much pre-Election: Harsha: "Uber & Lyft are offering a 50% discount on Election Day." Me: "Oh, so people don't drive drunk?" Harsha: "Um... so they can get to the polls and vote?"

Just like sports: If you're arguing with the officials, you're losing.

I never would've guessed the worst headache Nevada ever gave me would NOT be a hangover on the Vegas Strip.

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Yeah, apparently. Give us the count, yo!

This is like reading an Aesop’s fable called, “The Tortoise and the Tortoise.”

Biden winning the Presidency without the Senate is like being best friends with the Prom Queen. You look cool walking down the hall, but it’s not like you’re getting any action.

THIS JUST IN: BIDEN & TRUMP TEAM UP TO ABSOLUTELY DESTROY LIBERTARIAN JO JORGENSEN.

Can't Alaska count to, like, 8?

If we’re this happy, imagine Deutsche Bank. They’re gonna get PAID, son.

Russia was Putin its place.

How are bullies coping with virtual learning? Are they able to bully in Zoom/Webex?

2020 just can’t do anything right. Here we were... ready for the biggest disappointment of the year. But nope. Couldn’t even deliver that.

Indian Kids: We got 50% of the Vice Presidency!
Indian Parents: Next time, get 100%
.

KAMALA’S WIN: A massive victory for brown girls dating a black dude on the low. “Chill out, Daddy. We’re making a future President over here.”

Trump starts his campaign insulting Mexicans and ends up at a landscaping company.

And now... we SLEEP.


Like

MANY HAPPY RETURNS

Dear Friends,

If this election goes the way I'm hoping and praying it will, you have my word that I will do everything I can to bridge the gap between Left & Right, between Liberals & Conservatives, between Democrats & Republicans... and everyone in-between.

[Click to read more.]


Love

Tonight, as we sat next to each other on the couch, I looked over and saw my wife crying. For years, she’d been talking about what a big deal this is for women everywhere. But to see it on her face truly brought it home.

Of course, many people across the gender spectrum paved the way for this... but a quick trip down Memory Lane, focusing only on Presidential tickets... regardless of politics...

1984 - Geraldine Ferraro becomes the first woman on a major party ticket.

2008 - Sarah Palin leads the other major party’s ticket.

2016 - Hillary Clinton becomes the first woman nominated by a major party for President.

2020 - Kamala Harris becomes the first Vice President-Elect in US history.

Congratulations to Women everywhere. Y’all did it.

- Harsha’s Husband


Love

Happy Diwali! Thanks, Mom, for leading our Lakshmi Pooja today. I took a FaceTime photo instead of a screenshot because I'm a moron. Apparently, the New Year doesn't necessarily bring new intelligence. Hope you enjoy this collage instead. Love you! 🕉 💙


Ask

NIGHT BEFORE THANKSGIVING! BIGGEST PARTY NIGHT OF THE YEAR! WHAT'S EVERYONE DOING?!

[Click for some great responses.]


Laugh

Since this is a FUNNY Indian Newsletter, I present here the 5 funny things that I saw, heard, wrote, or remembered for the last month... otherwise known as FIVE - Funny Indian's V Events.

5. You may remember my Taking a Stand touring partner, Taylor Alexander. As Covid has put the kibosh on live performances, he’s focusing on another talent: sketching. Yep, that sumbitch can do the two things I cannot do. He just launched Humanimals Art Ltd. Custom artwork + limited edition prints. Each piece is hand-drawn with pen + ink, taking anywhere from 10 to 50 hours to create. He has prints for sale and has a couple spots left for custom pet portraits or to create a Humanimal of you: Click here! Oh, and here’s his tribute to Eddie Van Halen… one of the GOATs:

4.

3.

2.

1. I’m not into cat videos. I’ve watched this 100 times.


Close

THANK YOU to all of you for your support. You are my true core of fans — I couldn't do this without you. If you think this may spark joy for your friends during this difficult time, please feel free to forward it along...

R.I.P., Alex Trebek, Sean Connery, Diego Maradona, and many more.

- Rajiv

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!