The Funny Indian Newsletter, Vol. CLXX
November 2020: Home for the Holidays... Literally
Welcome
Happy Thanksgiving. It’s so nice to have a day to sit at home and do nothing. 🦃
Announcements:
Trivia: Fridays at 9 AM PT on Facebook. 1st domestic correct answer wins a free FunnyIndian T-shirt. Questions so far: 1. Name the 2 letters in the English alphabet that don’t appear on the periodic table of the elements. 2. Name the 2 U.S. states that border the most states.
Thank you to so many of you who’ve messaged to tell me you’ve seen my Toyotathon commercial… one upside in this tragedy is they’re using last year’s spot. Or I was just too adorable playing an elf.
Scroll for more cool stuff… this one’s pretty election-heavy… here’s to less politics going forward… 🥂
Listen
I appeared on three podcasts… Modern Minorities. The Bliss Society. Brown People We Know:
See
PAST:
10/30: Fab Life 360 on Rukus Avenue Radio
11/01: Join Comedian Rajiv Satyal to Call South Asian Voters in Michigan!
11/01: Facebook Watch Party
11/06: Greenwich, CT, ICC Diwali Special
11/07: AIM for Seva
11/12: Northwestern University Panel
11/18: Salesforce.com
FUTURE:
12/01: Votella GA - Join Nik Dodani, Ravi Patel, and me!
12/05: Concord Temple Gala
12/16: Humor That Works
Read
Honored that Rediff published the piece I initially released on Medium/Facebook with an accompanying video. Check the screenshots on Facebook or click to read on Rediff’s website:
Read
2020 ELECTION THOUGHTS (EXACTLY 24 HOURS LATER)
HERE'S MY PLAY-BY-PLAY
I texted a bunch of mostly-Left-leaning friends to take their temperature... I'm happy to report that very few of us felt hopeful throughout the night, but many more of us feel hopeful today.
[Click to read more.]. [Click here to watch it.]
Follow
Prediction: Biden 278. Trump resigns. Pence pardons. Joe becomes our 47th President.
Hey, Trump, maybe NBC will let you host another reality show: The Biggest Loser.
Arizona: Trump shouldn’t have messed with McCain’s ghost this close to Halloween.
Friend: Are you having trouble focusing today? Me: Nope. Glued to the TV.
Is Costco running any good pre-Civil War sales?
Just like sports: If you're arguing with the officials, you're losing.
"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Yeah, apparently. Give us the count, yo!
This is like reading an Aesop’s fable called, “The Tortoise and the Tortoise.”
THIS JUST IN: BIDEN & TRUMP TEAM UP TO ABSOLUTELY DESTROY LIBERTARIAN JO JORGENSEN.
Can't Alaska count to, like, 8?
If we’re this happy, imagine Deutsche Bank. They’re gonna get PAID, son.
How are bullies coping with virtual learning? Are they able to bully in Zoom/Webex?
Indian Kids: We got 50% of the Vice Presidency!
Indian Parents: Next time, get 100%.
Trump starts his campaign insulting Mexicans and ends up at a landscaping company.
Like
MANY HAPPY RETURNS
Dear Friends,
If this election goes the way I'm hoping and praying it will, you have my word that I will do everything I can to bridge the gap between Left & Right, between Liberals & Conservatives, between Democrats & Republicans... and everyone in-between.
Love
Tonight, as we sat next to each other on the couch, I looked over and saw my wife crying. For years, she’d been talking about what a big deal this is for women everywhere. But to see it on her face truly brought it home.
Of course, many people across the gender spectrum paved the way for this... but a quick trip down Memory Lane, focusing only on Presidential tickets... regardless of politics...
1984 - Geraldine Ferraro becomes the first woman on a major party ticket.
2008 - Sarah Palin leads the other major party’s ticket.
2016 - Hillary Clinton becomes the first woman nominated by a major party for President.
2020 - Kamala Harris becomes the first Vice President-Elect in US history.
Congratulations to Women everywhere. Y’all did it.
Love
Happy Diwali! Thanks, Mom, for leading our Lakshmi Pooja today. I took a FaceTime photo instead of a screenshot because I'm a moron. Apparently, the New Year doesn't necessarily bring new intelligence. Hope you enjoy this collage instead. Love you! 🕉 💙
Ask
NIGHT BEFORE THANKSGIVING! BIGGEST PARTY NIGHT OF THE YEAR! WHAT'S EVERYONE DOING?!
[Click for some great responses.]
Laugh
Since this is a FUNNY Indian Newsletter, I present here the 5 funny things that I saw, heard, wrote, or remembered for the last month... otherwise known as FIVE - Funny Indian's V Events.
5. You may remember my Taking a Stand touring partner, Taylor Alexander. As Covid has put the kibosh on live performances, he’s focusing on another talent: sketching. Yep, that sumbitch can do the two things I cannot do. He just launched Humanimals Art Ltd. Custom artwork + limited edition prints. Each piece is hand-drawn with pen + ink, taking anywhere from 10 to 50 hours to create. He has prints for sale and has a couple spots left for custom pet portraits or to create a Humanimal of you: Click here! Oh, and here’s his tribute to Eddie Van Halen… one of the GOATs:
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1. I’m not into cat videos. I’ve watched this 100 times.
Close
THANK YOU to all of you for your support. You are my true core of fans — I couldn't do this without you. If you think this may spark joy for your friends during this difficult time, please feel free to forward it along...
R.I.P., Alex Trebek, Sean Connery, Diego Maradona, and many more.
- Rajiv
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!