The Last Dance (The Last Chance...)

... I Ever Give Stephen A. Smith

When I found out there would be a followup special to the Last Dance called After the Dance, I was so pumped... till I read the rest of the title containing Stephen A. Smith's name. He continued his perfect record of never adding anything interesting or germane to the conversation.

Really, ABC? This is like I just attended the best party of my life, and as it's winding down, I find out a mystery guest is about to arrive... and it turns out to be the Uncle who used to corner me at parties and bore me to death. (Names omitted to protect the innocent.)

Or how I felt finishing The Lord of the Rings in middle school… then I found out there’s another one named The Silmarillion! And it turned out to be a bunch of maps. An apt analogy, since Michael Jordan was a Geography major.

Had After the Dance picked up post-1998, it would've contained some value. Rather, it was highlights of the highlight reel, interstitially filled by conversations with a number of people at best tangentially related to Jordan.

Sure, it was cool to see Magic Johnson and Shaquille O'Neal... love those guys. But of course, Smith's questions drew nothing new out of them. What a wasted opportunity.

What could possibly be the reasoning behind this format? Guys, I have an idea! Let's get Whoopi Goldberg, a usually solid comedian who told zero jokes throughout her interview... Robin Roberts (WHY)... and Anthony Anderson from blackish to share their super interesting opinions and stories!

I felt like another Steve... Martin in Planes, Trains and Automobiles:

"Everything's not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They're not even amusing... accidentally. 'Honey, meet Del Griffith! He's got some amusing anecdotes! Oh, and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it.'"

Oh, and kudos to ABC for having zero diversity on the program. How uncool would it have been to have seven white people in a row talking about Larry Bird? You couldn't get one person who's Caucasian, Latino, or Asian? I don't think you get to call that "blackish." That’s just “black.”

If you haven't seen it, don't waste your time. Read my columns. Already read 'em? Read 'em again. That's how useless this program was.

F'real, though, if you can't get enough of Jordan, check out the first comment below, which contains these videos I'd highly recommend:

- MJ's Hall of Fame speech (which, contrary to media reporting, was humble, hilarious, and honest).
- MJ's is moving (and funny) tribute to Kobe Bryant.
- The announcement of the Chicago Bulls' starting lineup... goosebumps.
- What They Won't Tell You in the Bulls Documentary.
- Michael Jordan's UNDERRATED years as a Washington Wizard.
- The Pros and Cons of the LG All in One Washer Dryer Combo.

Seriously. What a load.