4 Reasons Why Jo Koy's Golden Globes Monologue Didn't Work
More Like, “Joke-Oy”
Barack Obama once laughed about the fact that kids thought his name was all one word: barackobama. My favorite NPR reporter name is Mara Liasson, because every time the network utters her name, I imagine how many different ways it can be parsed: Is she Ma Raliasson? Mara Liasson? Maral Iasson? Marali Asson? Maralias’ Son? Which brings me to comedian Jo Koy’s hosting performance at last night’s 81st Golden Globe Awards. Ten seconds before he began, he was “Jo Koy.” Ten seconds into his opening monologue, he was “Joke-Oy.”
Do I feel bad for Koy? There’s a fine line between pity and empathy. I can’t very well pity him, given how amazingly successful he is: my dude just sold out Madison Square Garden. But I can, human to human, feel for a man who’s getting clobbered in the press and on social media.
A super nice and talented man, btw. Koy has a rock-solid reputation as a kind person and I can vouch for that. Years ago, I opened for him at the Newport Funny Bone (right over the river from Cincinnati). I’ll never forget when my brother, Vikas, leaned over to me and observed, “I’ve never felt a room this electric before.” He was right. Koy’s a beast. A room-killer. He was absolutely destroying on that stage. Russell Peters took him on tour and Peters couldn’t follow Koy in front of his own crowd. Peters actually had Koy close out some of his shows. If that’s true, that speaks not only to Koy’s insane ability but also to Peters’ own kindness (and humility): I can’t think of a single comedian who’d do that. They’d either tell you to take it down a notch… or kick you off the show.
It became something of a tradition that I’d invite the headliner over to my parents’ house up in Fairfield to enjoy some Indian food. Guests included Kevin Nealon, Tom Rhodes, and yes, Jo Koy.
Since Jo Koy came over to my parents’ for dinner, I’ve now seen him eat it twice.
Hey Now!
The paradox is that road beasts don’t necessarily translate as well onscreen. What makes these comics so good is their energy. Cameras are great at capturing emotions between people but not so much at channeling energy directly addressed to people. That almost feels like a different skill set, something great politicians like Bill Clinton possess.
So, I’ll offer up my take on how it all went, keeping in mind that I’ve always loved Koy personally. Always happy to see a standup comic get a chance like this. You know, keep it in the family. The comedian family. And the Asian family. But of course, being lone wolves, we don’t exhibit a lot of solidarity. The comics’ motto could very well be, “Screw anyone who isn’t me.” So, here goes…
𝟭. 𝗛𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗿𝗲𝘄 𝗛𝗶𝘀 𝗪𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗨𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝘂𝘀
Probably every viewer knows that most of the host’s and presenters’ bits are written by someone else. But once you’ve accepted the gig, one of the biggest sins you can commit is throwing your writers under the bus. If you had a better joke, you should’ve pitched it in the writers’ room. If you didn’t, well, then you should be grateful they came up with something for you to say. A comic’s entire stage presence relies on the balance between confidence and vulnerability. Koy had 10 days to prepare, but he did take the job. If you don’t think you can do it, don’t take it. But don’t then complain about something you knew going in. If you truly feel you must, then set those expectations during your pre-event press tour, the way that politicians do before their debates. Hell, a lot of comics passed the same way many did before Hasan Minhaj took on the White House Correspondents Dinner. And with limited time, Minhaj delivered arguably the best speech that event had seen. A friend of mine and I always joke about the old quote: “A good craftman never blames his tools.” We laugh because, upon true analysis, that’s not really true. Your tools can suck and there’s only so much you can do. But what you don’t do is publicly blame your tools. You just end up looking like one. A tool. You end up looking like a tool is what I’m trying to say.
𝟮. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗝𝗼𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝗡𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗢𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆
Koy lost ’em from the start: “Kevin Costner’s here. Kevin Costner’s never here. Kevin’s at a mountain with a cow or something, but today he’s here.” I know this is supposed to be a Yellowstone reference, but what they always tell you in comedy if you’re not getting laughs is to call the UPS truck: make it Urgent, Personal, and Specific. “A cow or something” doesn’t paint a picture. There’s no target, so we don’t know where you’re pointing, so we can’t laugh. And that was the opening joke, soon to be followed by how Meryl Streep always wins, a joke that’s been done a hundred times.
Ultimately, there are different types of comics. Koy started as someone who targeted the Filipino/Asian community. I opened for him several times and watched as his crowd got whiter with his myriad appearances on Chelsea Lately. He was able to entertain a more diverse audience. But at the end of the day, he’s largely a storyteller. The type of comic that does well on a gig like this tends to be more cerebral. Not better or worse, just a different vibe. If all comics were athletes… Koy is a basketball player; the Globes needed a badminton player.
𝟯. 𝗛𝗲 𝗡𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗗𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗛𝗶𝘀 𝗔𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗲
And this brings me to his biggest mistake: he didn’t define who he wanted to be. A comedian has to have a point-of-view. The crowd needs to know where you’re coming from. Ricky Gervais is the man who DGAF. He also has the credibility of possessing acting ability at least as good as many in that room. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are also awesome actors. They are the super-sharp, biting but lovable, tagteam who are gonna drop knowledge as well as humor: They roasted George Clooney after describing his wife…
[Amal Alamuddin] is a “human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, an adviser to Kofi Annan on Syria, and was appointed to a three-person commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza strip. So tonight her HUSBAND is getting a lifetime achievement award.
Now that’s funny.
One approach that might’ve prevailed was to acknowledge the differences between standup and acting. Praise those who’ve done it well, like Gervais and Ali Wong (who’d go on to win). Maybe big-up yourself by saying you’re amazing at talking to an audience but throw yourself under the bus since Koy’s performance was largely panned in his debut film, Easter Sunday. “Damn, this shit is hard!” could’ve endeared him to the crowd by kissing everyone’s ass but also maintaining his integrity.
Koy is a superstar in the comedy world, deservedly so. But he knew most of this audience wouldn’t know who he was. Yes, it’s a major disadvantage, but it’s also an opportunity to establish yourself on your own terms. If you have 10 days to prepare, spend literally seven of them on this alone. Once you’ve done that, the jokes just flow. Who’s your audience? Are you going for the people in the room or the people at home? Gervais clearly went for the viewers. Fey and Poehler went for the attendees.
This past Friday, Sebastian Maniscalco and I were on the same show at the Ice House in Pasadena. And he’s moved well past critiquing the effete. Bonnie McFarlane once told me that Louis C.K. (Rest in Peace) had told her, “Once I found my voice, everything became material.” Maniscalco was up there ripping the LA Zoo to shreds over the fact that he has to pay so that his kids can feed the animals. “They’re YOUR hippos.” Such a pedestrian observation but put so hilariously well. That’s delivery. But it’s also knowing who you are.
When I hosted the GQ India Men of the Year Awards in Mumbai, of course I was nervous. I’d already told Editor-in-Chief Che Kurrien that I didn’t know Bollywood well at all. I was asking him on day one how to pronounce the 2001 classic film title Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham...
And then, as I sat at the head of the writers’ table, it hit me: “You know, Che, they’re never gonna buy me as a Bollywood insider. Because I’m not one. Oh, and also my Ohio accent. So, let’s go with the Bollywood Outside angle. I think I need to discover this script as I go.” He jumped on that and said, “YES. That’s exactly it.” And with Deepika Padukone, Saif Ali Khan, and Karan Johar in attendance, I delivered the performance of my life. I returned to host two other award shows.
Now, I realize that’s not the same as emceeing a live international broadcast peppered with heroes you had on your bedroom walls. But it’s the same principle. And I can tell you it felt high-stakes at the time. And it was. That anxiety was real.
𝟰. 𝗛𝗲 𝗗𝗶𝗱𝗻'𝘁 𝗥𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗥𝘂𝗹𝗲
𝗡𝗼 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗞𝗼𝘆, 𝗥𝗼𝘆...
Comedy writers don't ask, "What's funny?" We ask, "What are we making fun of?"
And I could feel Koy’s anxiety, too. (That translated through the screen.) He spent far too much time talking about how happy he was to be there, flubbed several punchlines, and sometimes even said stuff like, “Don Cheadle’s here” with no actual joke. Succession was an incredibly layered show and all Koy could muster was “Pull out”?
There were some solid ones, including his interaction with Robert De Niro (though the impression was cringe). And the dick joke:
I watched Saltburn…. Is Barry Keoghan here? Where's Barry Keoghan seated? Where's your penis seated? Down front? That was the real star of the movie, Barry Keoghan's penis. If you haven't seen Saltburn, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. So watch it, then you'll understand what I was talking about. And then right after that, watch Barbie. And then you're gonna be like, 'Something's missing.' And then watch Maestro, and you'll be like, 'Oh, there it is. It's on Bradley Cooper's face.' What? That's hilarious! I was watching Maestro [and] I was like, 'That thing was dancing in Saltburn!
It’s not entirely a bad bit. But it has structural issues as well as unintended shade.
Ya gotta do the setup first and then the punchline. You’re not supposed to go, “you probably have no idea what I’m talking about.” That implies people didn’t see the film (we didn’t but this is a celebration of movies like this) and standup comedy can never end with “I guess you had to be there.” That’s the whole point of standup comedy: they weren’t there. You’re recreating that world for them. Give the films’ backgrounds and then go in on the funny parts.
Also, Koy needed to spell out that he meant “something’s missing” referred to Ken’s penis. Since he said “Barbie,” I thought of — you guessed it — Barbie, and then my mind went to the line where she tells the ogling men that she doesn’t have a vagina. If the penis is the through-line, then keep the focus on the penis.
Hell, Koy could’ve gone with something super edgy: “The biggest trend of the year was Barbenheimer. Is that why you brought in an Asian to host? We got to see the bomb up close and we’re the ones making all those Barbie dolls.”
The worst sound in the world to a comic is laughter for another comic after you’ve just bombed.
We’ve all been there. And it had to hurt when Taylor Swift gave Koy a death stare after he quipped that the Globes weren’t cutting to her as much as they do during NFL games. Call Taylor a real-life Barbie. Anything. There were myriad ways to set that up.
And up to a certain point, perhaps Koy felt he got out of the room what was possible. But then, Swift (and the whole crowd) laughed hard at Jim Gaffigan's joke:
This is gonna be the first time standup comedians are gonna be acknowledged at a major awards show…. For 80 years, good-looking people threw a party, right? And then you guys finally decided to invite the talented people.
That landed despite four things against it:
It’s not true: the Grammys do this.
It’s a clear dig at actors.
Gaffigan is not an established fellow actor.
It followed a pedophile joke directed at the audience!
Funny’s funny.
All in all, it’s still a massive victory for Koy. “Hosted the Golden Globes” is a credit just about every comedian would die for. And he has taken the backlash with the grace of the nice guy he is.
Hope this all made sense. I didn’t have much time to put this together. But you know what they say: a good craftsman never blames his tools.
Rajiv Satyal is a comedian. He resides nine miles from the Beverly Hilton.